2016 Recap

What a year 2016 has been. While I'm not sad to see it go, there have been many ups (and downs) along the way. Here's a little recap of everything that happened to this Schackmann family this year.

The beginning of the year started out with a nice reunion with an old friend from high school. Let's not go five years without seeing each other again, Brit!

I also became a Catholic this year!

Eric and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary with a fallen tree in our yard, and an extra one that had to be taken down as well. 

My sister-in-law Erin got engaged to Taylor and I was able to hide in the bushes and capture it all!

Eric and I went to Cincinnati to visit James while he was working there this summer. We enjoyed lots of yummy food, beer (for James and Eric) and a nice Reds game.

We found out we were expecting Baby #2 right before the fourth of July. 

We got to be a part of Eric's sister Nichole's wedding to Connor. So fun!

Our foreign exchange student (from when James was still in high school) came back for another visit. We took a mini vacay to the Smokey Mountains. This was basically the view from our cabin! I'm so glad we were able to go before that horrible fire took many homes, businesses, and trees later that fall. 

My photography business really took off this year! I had Eric's talented cousin Ashley design my marketing materials and logo. I got my very own website up and running (shameless plug! www.sharonschackmannphotography.com). In addition to family photos, I now offer both newborn and senior portraits. And while Eric was remodeling one of the barns on our property, we used one of the rooms to make me my very own studio! I'll be posting pictures of the studio sometime in January.

And while I'm talking about remodeling the barn, I should probably throw in a semi-updated picture of what it is looking like. I've slacked on keeping you all updated on the happenings of the barn remodel lately, but if you have Eric on Snapchat he's keeping you all plenty updated :) All new wiring, level walls and ceiling, new windows, sealed doors, tin on the ceiling and wainscoting, wood look paneling, and polyurethane on all the original oak and you have something that looks something like this! He's pretty proud of the barn, and I don't blame him.

While Eric and I were hoping that this pregnancy would result in a baby we would be taking home, we were met with some terrible news. Our daughter, Madison, was diagnosed with Anencephaly, a fatal birth defect. If she survives birth, she won't live long after she's born.

This year marked Ian's second angel-versary. It's so hard to believe that he's been gone for two years now. Here I am with the quilt I made for the special baby born on his birthday this year, which I found out was a beautiful baby girl!

We had a wonderful Christmas with both of our families. But one of my favorite moments of Christmas was seeing this tree that was put up at my mother-in-law Theresa's office. One of her coworkers decorated this beautiful tree with lots of teddy bears right at the entrance to their building, with this special bear that signified that it was put up in honor of Madison. How neat is that!

We ended the year celebrating Madison with a 3D ultrasound. The long drive and cost of the elective ultrasound was beyond worth it to capture a picture of her chubby cheeks and adorable little smile. I will cherish this picture forever. No matter the circumstance, how can you not choose life after seeing a picture like this?

After we got back from the ultrasound we hurried and got ready for maternity pictures. I was all sorts of flustered and kept feeling like I was forgetting things, but I LOVE what my best friend Kendra was able to capture. I don't think there's a picture that better describes our relationship than this one. And I absolutely can't wait to see the rest of them!

I don't know what to think about 2017 arriving tomorrow. I'm so excited that we will get to finally meet Madison, but I'm definitely not ready to say goodbye to her. Please pray for strength for us as we approach that time. Then not to mention all of the babies that will be born this year to family and friends. While I'm honestly over the moon excited about each and every one of those babies' births, it doesn't ease the sting each time one will be born. Hopefully 2017 will also bring good news of a healthy baby for our family. We would definitely appreciate all of the prayers for that one! I hope you all have had a great 2016, and even if it wasn't so great, I hope that you are able to find the good that did happen throughout the year. And may 2017 be a fabulous year for us all!

Baby #2: 30 Weeks

How far along: 30 weeks

Weight gain/loss: Only up 11 pounds.

Sleep: Still sleeping pretty well. Some positions are beginning to get more comfortable than others, but I can't complain.

Rings: On.

Showing: Yes!

Cravings: I can't really think of anything I've been craving in particular this week. I do know I'm getting my sweets fix in!

Gender: Still a girl!
 
Best Moment this Week: Well it was our last week of school till January, so it's been nice being able to sleep in and get caught up on things around the house. Thursday I had another doctor's appointment and Madison's heart is beating strong at 145-150's. I start going every two weeks from here on out, only ten weeks to go! Friday morning I got to eat breakfast with two of my best friends (we missed you Kendra!). I can never spend enough time with those ladies. Then Friday evening we had Christmas at my mom and dad's house. Mom finally got to feel Madison kick! I never want to forget the way her eyes lit up when she realized what she was feeling was her granddaughter's kicks (and rolls). Then on Saturday she was moving like crazy and Eric got to feel her move for a good continuous thirty seconds. He had that same look in his eyes as my mom did- pure amazement that a tiny baby was actually growing inside my belly. Maybe I need to catch people's reactions to feeling her kick next!

We also got the most precious gift from the mom of one of my best friends from college. She teaches at a Catholic school and ever since her daughter Emily told her about our story, she has said that her classes pray for Eric and I at school, and that she knows some of them pray for us at home as well. She sent us a beautiful card with a rosary inside. A guest speaker had come to their school and brought relics of 6 saints with her that she had inherited from her grandmother. Her principal had received a rosary in the mail, and she gave it to Emily's mom to give to us. She touched the rosary to each of the six relics. So we now are in possession of a second hand relic, which is really cool! What I thought was even cooler was that one of the relics was from Saint Gerard Majella, who is the patron saint of expectant mothers, and also the saint on the necklace that a coworker had given me months ago that I wear almost every day. That couldn't be a coincidence- God sure works in mysterious ways. 

I did break down again this week, during Christmas Eve mass of all places. I don't remember crying during that mass last year, but I know I definitely did in 2014, the year we lost Ian. I know it was a combination of a few different things. Thinking about how next Christmas we should have our daughter at church with us, but we won't. Thinking about how lots of other people will get to share next Christmas with their new babies. Thinking about Jesus being born- especially all the songs that get sung about that. It just all set me over the edge. I was able to compose myself before church actually started and made it through the service OK, but my heart was definitely hurting. It's a rough time of year for people like us who have lost a loved one, for people who want so badly to add someone to their family but are struggling. Be kind to yourself, know that it is OK to cry, and know that if you need someone to talk (or vent) to, that I will listen with open ears and an open heart.

Looking Forward To: Finishing the rest of our Christmas celebrations. We have had a fabulous Christmas so far, I can't wait to celebrate with the rest of our family these next few days. And then at the end of this week we finally get to see miss Madison again! We go on Friday for a 3D ultrasound in Evansville with our families and I absolutely can't wait!!

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and enjoy spending this special time with the ones you love <3

Baby #2: 29 Weeks

How far along: 29 weeks

Weight gain/loss: 10 pounds for sure, I'll find out if I've gained any more on Thursday at my next doctor's appointment.

Sleep: Good, but man I cannot get enough of it. I slept almost 9 hours last night and still took over an hour nap this afternoon.

Rings: Still on.

Showing: Yep, but I feel like I'm really not looking that big for being 29 weeks. I do know that she is sitting suuuuuper low, so that might have something to do with it.

Cravings: I was really wanting cereal this week. So that's what I've been having for breakfast all week. Bonus points if you know my favorite cereal!

Gender: Girl.
 
Best Moment this Week: Lots of great moments this week. I got my first rib kick this week, followed immediately by a lower belly punch. Madison must have really been stretching! And I finally caught her kicks on camera!!! I've never been more excited. The entire video I took was over three minutes long, but I've included one of the big ones I caught. She hangs out on the right side of my stomach, so be looking there for the kick!

Like I mentioned last week, this week was Ian's second angel-versary. If you want to read more about my thoughts on that, you can check out my post here. One of my best friends also wrote a beautiful post that you can find here. Eric and I were able to make it out to the cemetery Friday night before we headed to my Grandma and Grandpa Blievernicht's house for Christmas. It was so nice seeing everyone, I hadn't seen some of them for months! I had lots of belly rubs and hugs. Unfortunately, Madison wouldn't ever kick when anyone put their hand on my belly- stubborn girl! 

Looking Forward To: The start of Christmas festivities! We had one Christmas celebration on Friday, but the majority of our Christmases will be this weekend. I can't wait to see everyone open their presents and get to see even more family. Wednesday is my last day of work for the year- yay for working in a school! Then Thursday I have another doctor's appointment and I'm looking forward to hearing Madison's heartbeat again. Bring on the week!

Ian's 2nd Angel-versary

Ian,
.
As I finish wrapping up all the Christmas presents and place them under the tree, I can't help but think of you. Only one of those presents is for us, the rest are for family and friends (and technically there are still some presents missing). But oh how different things would be if you were here. You would be a year and half, and those boxes would probably be a lot bigger filled with toys for you. What I wouldn't give to have our tree covering presents with your name on them. To have nightly cuddles and kisses. To hear "momma" every five seconds. To watch you grow and learn and turn into an amazing young gentleman.

If I could go back to December 8th, 2014, I would have told you that I loved you a million more times. I would have rubbed my belly constantly, yearning to feel your little kicks and jabs. I would have cherished every second of feeling like I needed to throw up, of my belly getting a little too big for my favorite jeans. I would have done things differently had I known the next day your heart would stop beating. That the very next day, our entire world would be turned upside down. Not a second goes by that I'm not thinking of you and wondering how different life would be.

You might have only been with us for 16 (technically 17 since I didn't have you until the 16th) weeks, but your life mattered so much to us, our family, and our friends. Your life and death taught me leaps and bounds about unconditional, never-ending love. You taught me to enjoy the present because we are not always promised the future. You taught me what it feels like to have a huge chunk of my heart ripped from my chest, and how to slowly heal the pain that that caused.

And because of you, learning that your sister Madison would ultimately suffer the same fate was somehow easier to handle. Not that I'm handling it well, because I'm not. But going through your unexpected death has made me cherish each and every moment, each kick, each time I get to hear her heart beating, each week as I watch my stomach (and the scale) get just a little bit bigger. As I said before, losing you taught me to love unconditionally, which is exactly what I'm doing with Madison. I'm jealous that you two will get to grow up together. Or maybe not grow up, because I still haven't decided if, once I get to Heaven, I want you both to still be my little babies or I want you to be grown up. But I'm jealous that you'll get to know each other. That you'll get to know your uncle Ryan and aunt Julie, and all your other family that have gone before you. But I'm also thankful because I know that you're in great hands up there. I mean, who can be a better babysitter than Jesus? I can almost hear your little laugh as he tells you a joke or throws you in the air. As much as I hate to admit it, you truly are in a better place.

I don't really know how to end this letter to you, because I could probably write to you for hours and never get everything out that I want to say. But I suppose this will have to do for now. I will love you always baby boy <3 And I can't wait to see the baby who is blessed with your quilt this year!

Baby #2: 28 Weeks

How far along: 28 weeks

Weight gain/loss: I'm still going with 10 pounds.

Sleep: So good!

Rings: On.

Showing: Yep!

Cravings: I could really go for a Jimmy John's sandwich.

Gender: Hopefully she's still a girl :)
 
Best Moment this Week: It's always great getting together with my friends, and I got to see two of my three best friends last night. We spent all night laughing, eating yummy food, and loving on their babies (who aren't really babies anymore!). I can never get enough time with those girls. And Kendra, you were greatly missed! Ashley gave us the best present- ornaments with Ian and Madison's monogram on them. Her brother made them, which makes them even more special. 

Eric and I also discovered that Madison likes Disney songs- who doesn't though, right? We were laying in bed and Eric put the Disney Pandora station on. While we were jamming out to all the songs, Madison was kicking away. She especially likes The Little Mermaid and The Lion King- good choices baby girl!

I got word that my Glucose test came back normal- yay! I don't think I could survive pregnancy without chocolate haha. Eric and I also finished Christmas shopping this week. So thankful to be done with that and so excited for everyone to see their gifts. I think I like giving presents even more than I like getting them. 

Looking Forward To: Spending these last three months with Madison. I seriously can't believe that we only have about three more months with her (hopefully). Time has gone by so fast, and I so wish that I could pause time and keep her in my belly forever. I know that I am going to do everything possible to make memories with her, including maternity pictures hopefully next week (as long as the weather cooperates!).

This week also marks Ian's two year angel-versary. Which just blows my mind. Seeing August run around last night, grabbing onto Ashley's leg and saying "mama", gave me a heavy heart. Don't get me wrong, I love that Ashley gets to have those experiences with her baby boy and I wouldn't wish what happened to us on anyone, but that doesn't make it any easier. Ian should be one and a half years old. What would he be like? Who would be his favorite (I'm guessing it would be Eric ha!)? Would he like sports and being outside with Eric? Would he throw a ball for Cassie to fetch or cuddle up on the floor with Bailey? Would he crave for me to hold him and rock him to sleep? We'll never know. And that really stinks. And to think I'll have all the same questions once Madison is born, it sure doesn't seem fair. But we are living with the hand God dealt us, and he must think that we can handle all of this. I know that recently God dealt another couple an unfortunate hand. I don't know the details of their situation, but I truly hope that they get in contact with us, if nothing else to know that they aren't alone and that there are so many people praying for them. Life can be rough, but if there's one thing I've learned it's that we don't have to walk this path alone.

Baby #2: 27 Weeks

How far along: 27 weeks

Weight gain/loss: Official word from the OB is that I'm up 10 pounds total.

Sleep: Like a rock!

Rings: On.

Showing: Yep!

Cravings: Well I took my glucose test last week, so I tried to lay off the chocolate and sweets all week. So now I'm making up for that :) Let's just hope I don't get told I have gestational diabetes this week!

Gender: Girl.
 
Best Moment this Week: Oh I had so many great moments this week. When I was thinking about my post last night, I was wondering what exactly I would put in this section. I had a doctor's appointment, so I knew I could always write about that, but what else good happened this week. Then I realized that so many great little moments happened. The moments that sneak up on you and you take for granted. But not this week! 

So let's start with a fun little story from Monday night. Eric and I were laying in bed cuddling like we always do. My belly was right up against Eric's side (which is kinda hard to avoid when we are cuddling now-a-days). Anyways, Eric has been feeling Madison move and kick more and more often lately. We were laying there talking and she is letting him have it. I ask if he can feel her and he says that he can. I joked that she just wants to cuddle too so she's trying to get as close as possible to her daddy, or that she just wants him to move over and give her more room. We both agreed that the first option was a much better choice!

I have also been able to see Madison's kicks from the outside this week. I even watched her roll across my stomach one day. I have yet to catch it on camera- ornery little miss always stops as soon as I get my phone out! I will catch it one of these times, though. Then Thursday I had another doctor's appointment. Madison's heart rate came in at 145- which the doctor says is very good! I also had to take my glucose test that day too. Luckily, I just thought that the drink tasted like an extra sugary, flat, orange soda. The only part that stunk was that I had to drink the whole glass in 5 minutes. When my hour was up, a nurse called me back and lead me to a random side room. She said all of the lab rooms were full and she had to draw my blood now or I would have to repeat the test. I stuck out my arm and said "draw away!"

And then for a bunch of random little moments that I loved this week. My cousin Elise messaged me that she had a dream that I had had Madison and that she was the size of a three month old baby (goodness I hope she isn't that big!) and that she had dark brown hair and rosy pink cheeks- which I loved to hear. I got a little note in the mail from a friend thanking me for sharing my story with you all through this blog and how I have changed her perspective on her own life. I've had friends message me videos and little "I'm praying for you" posts. I even had a friend text me a picture from the prayer board at her church (which is about two hours away- how cool!) that read: My prayer concern is for Sharon and Eric's baby that God will heal it. To know we have so many people praying for and thinking of us all over the state, our country, and the world is incredible. I'll be forever thankful that Madison's life has touched this many people.

I also wanted to include that for the first time in a while I broke down this week. I had just read Madison her almost nightly story when Eric came in for bed. I tried to hold the tears back, but he could tell that something was wrong. I got a really good cry in, questioning why Madison has to die and why this has to happen to us. I get told often that I'm so strong. I've never thought that was true. I'm so incredibly weak and question why we must walk this path every day. Maybe one day I'll actually be as strong as everyone thinks I am. Until then, I'll keep praying for God to guide us on this journey in every way that he can.

Looking Forward To: Entering my third trimester next week! I seriously can't believe how fast this is going. And I get to see a few of my favorite people on Saturday, can't beat that!