Baby #3 and #4: Weeks 17-20

Weeks 17 through 20 are officially in the books- and we are more than likely already over halfway to meeting our babies!! Wow that feels good to write!

So much has happened this past month. For starters, my morning sickness has subsided and I'm feeling loads better than I was last month. Can I get a hallelujah for that!? 

I've been feeling the babies more and more often and have started feeling some nice hard kicks. It's still hard to tell which baby is doing what since they are moving around so much in there, but I'm hoping as they get bigger and stuck in one place that I'll be able to tell which one likes to kick the most- because right now I'm betting on baby A. Though during our anatomy scan the tech said that baby B will be our feisty one as baby was doing flips and kicks and some mad acro skills in there. 

Speaking of our anatomy scan, we had ours the day before I turned 19 weeks. It was so fun watching them on that screen and seeing their perfect little bodies. Unfortunately baby A wouldn't cooperate for a nice picture of it's face, so they couldn't get all the measurements they needed for it. And there were a few things they still need to measure on baby B as well. But both the tech and Dr. Haller said that babies looked good and they weren't concerned. We'll see them again in a few weeks and they can check things out again!

Best picture we could get of baby A. Baby had its head pressed up against its sack and was faced away from us almost the whole ultrasound. 

And while baby B might be our "feisty" one, at least it cooperated for a precious profile picture!

The tech was able to capture this adorable photo of the two of them together in a brief moment of cooperation <3

Babies are ready to party it up at Aunt Erin and Uncle Chad's wedding this weekend! And as always, we are looking forward to another day with our babies and to seeing them on the ultrasound screen again in a few weeks.

Two.

Two.

Ever since seeing this double rainbow on Ian's first birthday, the number two has held a special place in my heart. I can't tell you the number of times I've seen a double rainbow over a single one since Ian's death. And I know that others around me would say the same thing. Two butterflies playing, two cardinals in the yard. Two was all around us.

Two took on a whole new meaning when we learned that Madison would be joining her brother Ian in Heaven. Two babies, both in Heaven.

Two is the number of failed IVF transfers that we had. Two times our hopes were so high, only to come crashing down at that negative test.

Two, that's how many embryos we transferred this last time.

And that's how many heartbeats we heard on the ultrasound four weeks later.

Suddenly two had an entirely new meaning. Because now it meant that we would be bringing two babies into the world. Two times the clothes, two times the diapers, two times the late night feedings. But we will also enjoy two times to smiles, two times the laughs, and two times the love.

And at our most recent ultrasound we received the best news of all. We have two babies with two perfectly round heads. 

There's still so much time left in this pregnancy, and I'd be lying if I said I thought we were totally in the clear now. But every day I get to spend with these two babies makes me even more grateful and even more excited that we will actually get to bring these babies home in February (because let's be honest, I doubt I make it to their due date on March 5). 

Here's to a quick and healthy remainder of this pregnancy. We appreciate any and all prayers you want to send our way!

Grant Levi Walters

These past two days have been emotionally loaded for me. Monday morning Eric's sister Nichole texted us that they were in the hospital getting ready to have their baby. I still remember when they told us that they were pregnant on Christmas Eve before midnight mass. I was so thankful that they told us before they surprised everyone at our family Christmas, but boy was that hard. I think I cried in the bathroom for the first 15 minutes of mass. Since that day, I've known that this day was coming (though it wasn't supposed to happen until August. Guess Grant couldn't wait to meet us all!). But I didn't realize how not ready I was for all of this until yesterday. 

I think I've felt every emotion under the sun- pure excitement and joy to meet my nephew, extreme sadness that I haven't gotten to feel this kind of joy myself, jealousy that Nikki and Connor get to experience parenting in a way that Eric and I should have been doing two years ago, fear that adding this new addition to our family would put Ian and Madison on the back-burner. Most of all, I felt this overwhelming feeling of love for this little boy that God placed in our lives. Nothing has felt better since holding Madison than Grant felt in my arms. I'm so thankful that I get to be an integral part of this little guy's life.

And I'm so thankful that I get to watch Eric be an uncle. I might have gone to meet Grant this morning by myself, and I'm so glad I did because I totally cried once I held Grant and I didn't want a whole group of people to see that. I went back with Eric once he got home from work today. The room was full and some of Nikki and Connor's friends were holding Grant. When Eric finally got the chance to meet his nephew, my heart melted into a million pieces and I don't think I'm ever going to be able to put them all back together. The way he smiled down at Grant as he was sleeping in his arms is a look that I hope I remember the rest of my life. Pure joy on his face. It honestly almost broke my heart that I haven't been able to give that to him. And I would have cried right then and there if the room wasn't full of people. I want nothing more than to give Eric a baby (or two, or three, or four) of his own. For now though, I get to catch a glimpse into what life will be like as he interacts with Grant. I have this strange feeling that these two are going to be the best of buds, and I'm so excited to see their relationship grow and develop into something wonderful.

So if you need me in the next couple of weeks, you might be able to find me at Nikki and Connor's house with a baby in my arms. Seriously though, I'm taking all the Grant cuddles I can get. Uncle Eric and Aunt Sharon love you so much Grant!

Baby #2: Baby Shower

On Saturday January 21, Kaci, Kendra, and Ashley hosted a baby shower honoring Madison. It's hard for me to find the words to tell you all just how truly amazing this day was. I couldn't think of a better way to honor Madison's short time with us. The day was filled with family and friends, both those that could make it to the shower and those that were there in spirit, lots of love, countless laughs, and many tears. I know that Madison felt all of the love just radiating around her that day, because I was overwhelmed with it all. 

Ian was there too :)

I just love this picture of all the littles with Madison and Ian! These blessings have helped ease the sting of our losses and I am so so thankful for them.

I also love this picture of Dez and Auggie with Ian. Ian should have been born right in between the two, but I know that he will always have a place in their hearts. And how do I know? During the shower, Auggie runs up out of nowhere and gives me the biggest hug on my legs, and then the biggest hug around my neck as I picked him up. And Kendra told me as they were looking at pictures from the shower, Dez points to me and says "Sharon", then looks up at Kendra and smiles real big and says "Madison". My heart melted into a million pieces both times. 

I'm not entirely sure what we were laughing at DeAnne, but it must have been a good one.

That's my grandma Wolf testing out her string on my belly. Eric's aunt Charlotte cut the exact length of string that my belly was- pretty impressive. And his cousin Andrea might have been able to wrap her string around me over two times haha!

Em even measured my belly, then proceeded to give me (and Madison) the biggest hug. I'm in love with this picture.

They played a game of Madison's "Top 5's", including favorite foods (my cravings), favorite songs, top things I'm thankful for this pregnancy, favorite moments with Madison, lessons God has taught me, and specific prayers for Madison as well as Eric and I. In case you were wanting to pray specifically for us, I'll include our prayer requests.

For Eric and I:

• For strength as we approach Madison's due date.
• For faith that even though this is not how we wanted this pregnancy to go, that God truly has a bigger plan and one day we will understand.
• To remember that this is the only time we get with Madison and to cherish it.
• That we can spend as much time as possible with Madison after she is born.
• For hope that one day we will have a pregnancy that results in a baby that we get to keep here with us.

For Madison:

• That she continue to kick, roll, and grow until she's full term.
• That she feels the love from all of our family and friends.
• That she gets into the correct position as she gets closer to being born so that I can have her naturally and avoid a c-section.
• That she be born alive.
• That she always knows how much we love her, how much we wanted her to be able to stay here, and how much we will miss her. 

I also had a few presents to open. The girls got us this gorgeous sign below that has my favorite Bible verse on it. They also got us two of the softest bunnies ever, one for us to keep and one for Madison to keep. The "moms" got me bracelets with Ian and Madison's initial on them. We got a book that included little notes and Bible verses from everyone that I've already read a few times. And then everyone chipped in to get Eric and I a little getaway to Galena, IL to stay at a bed and breakfast there. I was definitely not expecting that, and am so humbled by the generosity of our family and friends. We love you all so much!

The BEST friends anyone could have. Someone told me as they were leaving the shower that I'm truly blessed to have such wonderful friends and I better never let them get away. My thoughts exactly. And girls, I'm not letting you go anywhere. You know I need you too much to let you go <3

Friend Filled Weekend

This past weekend was one of those that reminded me how blessed I am to have the people I do in my life. Our friend Michael was coming to visit from Springfield, so of course Eric had a huge weekend planned out!

Friday night we did a little fishing. Michael, Justin, Eric and I (and Bailey of course) headed out to the pond to catch some bluegill. I slayed them, not to brag or anything. Guess that's what happens when you can go fishing any time you want! After dinner we invited some more friends over for a bonfire, which was made in our driveway. One of these days we might have a real fire pit!

Even though it "rained" all day- really it only misted- we weren't going to let that stop our plans to go shooting on Saturday. Eric set up a pop-up for all of us to shoot under. We might have had just a few targets to shoot at :)

The mist did stop for about a half hour, so we decided to play a friendly game of knockout! Shooting clays really made me miss the shooting complex at Sparta. Eric and I will definitely have to venture down there this summer. 

We didn't just shoot shotguns and rifles, we also shot some pistols! Corey let me shoot his, and once I realized that you have to slowly pull the trigger, I got a bulls-eye!

I also got to shoot Brian's pistol. It was so big- it reminded me of being in the old west!

Then it was time for the TVs. The picture below perfectly portrays how rednecks move TVs long distances. They set the TVs up at different distances in the field. 

After the TVs were placed in the field, we had to shoot holes in them so we could place tannerite inside-that's right, we blew these things up! We shot at closer TVs with the pistols and used shotguns and rifles to hit the ones farther away. 

Then it was time for probably my favorite part of the afternoon- shooting them and watching them explode! I've never witnessed tannerite being used, and let me tell you, it is so cool. Some of the TVs were a little close, and you could definitely feel the shockwave from the explosion. It was also crazy to see the pieces fly everywhere after they blew up. But don't worry, we scoured the field to pick up all the pieces we could find. 

That night, we headed out to the Gabby Goat to eat and hit the town. I am so happy this guy came to visit!

The darts players for the night. Michael and I were on a team, while Emilee and Calvin (and sometimes Eric) were on the other team. It's a good thing Michael was good, because I can't aim a dart to save my life! 

On Sunday, Eric and I went over to Doug and Ashley's for dinner. We got to see their new house and hang out with Emery- which might have been my favorite part (shh don't tell Ashley and Doug)! I'm so happy that they are close to home and we have the chance to get together on a whim. When we left, I even got a kiss from Em <3

I don't know how I got so lucky to have friends like these. We all come from different places, but our paths crossed and our lives are all the better for it. Here's to many more weekends filled with friends and love!