Grant Levi Walters

These past two days have been emotionally loaded for me. Monday morning Eric's sister Nichole texted us that they were in the hospital getting ready to have their baby. I still remember when they told us that they were pregnant on Christmas Eve before midnight mass. I was so thankful that they told us before they surprised everyone at our family Christmas, but boy was that hard. I think I cried in the bathroom for the first 15 minutes of mass. Since that day, I've known that this day was coming (though it wasn't supposed to happen until August. Guess Grant couldn't wait to meet us all!). But I didn't realize how not ready I was for all of this until yesterday. 

I think I've felt every emotion under the sun- pure excitement and joy to meet my nephew, extreme sadness that I haven't gotten to feel this kind of joy myself, jealousy that Nikki and Connor get to experience parenting in a way that Eric and I should have been doing two years ago, fear that adding this new addition to our family would put Ian and Madison on the back-burner. Most of all, I felt this overwhelming feeling of love for this little boy that God placed in our lives. Nothing has felt better since holding Madison than Grant felt in my arms. I'm so thankful that I get to be an integral part of this little guy's life.

And I'm so thankful that I get to watch Eric be an uncle. I might have gone to meet Grant this morning by myself, and I'm so glad I did because I totally cried once I held Grant and I didn't want a whole group of people to see that. I went back with Eric once he got home from work today. The room was full and some of Nikki and Connor's friends were holding Grant. When Eric finally got the chance to meet his nephew, my heart melted into a million pieces and I don't think I'm ever going to be able to put them all back together. The way he smiled down at Grant as he was sleeping in his arms is a look that I hope I remember the rest of my life. Pure joy on his face. It honestly almost broke my heart that I haven't been able to give that to him. And I would have cried right then and there if the room wasn't full of people. I want nothing more than to give Eric a baby (or two, or three, or four) of his own. For now though, I get to catch a glimpse into what life will be like as he interacts with Grant. I have this strange feeling that these two are going to be the best of buds, and I'm so excited to see their relationship grow and develop into something wonderful.

So if you need me in the next couple of weeks, you might be able to find me at Nikki and Connor's house with a baby in my arms. Seriously though, I'm taking all the Grant cuddles I can get. Uncle Eric and Aunt Sharon love you so much Grant!