Two weeks ago I went to visit Kaci, Jason, Orie, and their newest edition- Oswyn. I couldn't get enough of all 9 pounds of her chubby cheeks and arm rolls. And I was lucky enough to spend a few hours cuddling her while I took her newborn pictures- which will be done very soon!
I know that two weeks is a long time to wait to put up a blog post, but I think I waited so long because I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to say in it. I am overjoyed for Kaci and Jason. I know they will rock being parents to two beautiful babies. But I can't lie, this has all been so hard for me. Seeing Kaci with her two babies makes me miss my two babies even more. I should be talking all about what my two kids are doing and how their births went and what neat new thing they can do, instead I sat in silence while Ashley and Kaci swapped stories.
And things won't get any easier as Ashley and Kendra are both pregnant too, welcoming their third and second babies towards the end of this year. It is so hard seeing them live out what I yearn for the most. As a side note- I'm not writing this to make you feel sorry for me, I'm simply writing what I know a lot of people in my shoes, whether it's because of infertility or pregnancy loss, feel every day. If I can be the voice for people like me who don't have the outlet to let others know our side of the story, then I'm going to shout it from the rooftops. I know I speak for everyone when I say that I couldn't be happier for them. I wouldn't wish what I've been through on anyone. But that doesn't make things any easier.
I can't wait to watch Oswyn grow up and see how great Orie is as a big sister. And even though it's hard for me to picture Auggie as a big brother, I know that he and his new little brother will be the best of buds. Em is already rocking the big sister gig, and I'm sure that having another little brother to boss around will only make things more fun. And Dez, he's going to love having a baby brother or sister (its gender is still to be determined) to teach all of the cool things he knows. Watching them grow up won't make me miss my babies any less, in fact, it makes me miss them more. But it also makes me want to be even more in their lives, to give them even more love and praise and everything good. Because my heart has so much love to give, and my arms ache to hold a growing babe in them. So until I have one of my own here on Earth, I'm enjoying every bit of my best friends' bundles of joy.
I have been following your blog for awhile and hearing what you say and the way you put it is exactly how i have been feeling. I couldn't be happier for my friends and family having their kids and even co-workers. I sit here and watch every month go by asking when it will be our turn. When will i be able to relate with all my friends and talk about kids. Some are having their first others their second. My husband and I have only been married a year but we have been trying for several months. What pains me the most is what pains you that i will never be able to give him something i know he wants so bad. Even though he tells me that he is the happiest when he is with me and that finding someone to love is all he needs i know deep down later down the way he will be searching for a different kind of love. A love that only a child can give you! So thank you for being the voice that we all wish we can speak of. Always in my thoughs and prayers!
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