I think back to three Decembers ago when we buried Ian. It was just Eric and I, our parents, and our siblings. We had a small graveside service as our baby boy was laid to rest. I never would have imagined that a little over two years later we would be burying our daughter in the same place.
With Ian, I didn't want anyone but our family there. Kaci, Kendra, and Ashley wanted to come, but understood that I didn't want them there at that time. Burying Ian was just supposed to be a fluke thing that we wouldn't have to do again. But when we found out that Madison was going to die too, I knew that I wanted things to be different this time.
You see, I know that Ian's death touched others and affected their lives. When we announced we were finally pregnant again, we were swarming in congratulations and people telling us that they have been praying for us. When we posted that Madison had anencephaly and that she was going to die, we were once again swarming with messages, texts, and phone calls. While these messages had a different tone than they did just 8 weeks earlier, the message was still the same- we are praying for you. From that point on, we received more cards, messages, and gifts than I can count. I couldn't tell you how many people (many of whom I don't even know) have told me that our story has changed their life, the way they raise their children, and the way their own faith has been strengthened. I knew that when we said goodbye to Madison, I wanted to give everyone the chance to be there to celebrate the short time Madison spent on this Earth, but the enormous impact that she has had on everyone around us.
Eric and I were completely overwhelmed with how many people came to Madison's visitation and funeral. We will never forget the kind words spoken to us, the gifts given to us, and donations made to the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep bereavement photography program. Over a thousand dollars was donated to NILMDTS- how amazing is that!
Madison's funeral was the most beautiful service I've ever been to. The love radiating in that church and all around us was astounding. I couldn't have asked for a better way to say goodbye to our baby girl. While it was so different than Ian's funeral, both were perfect in their own ways. Thank you all for celebrating the life our our daughter with us.
I want to leave you all with the lyrics to the song that Kaci, Kendra, and Ashley sang at Madison's funeral- "I Will Carry You" by Selah. I think it speaks the way I felt since finding out that Madison was going to die. Though this wasn't the way I was planning on things to go, I will praise the One who's chosen me to carry you <3
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One who's chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence has brought me to His voice
And He says:
I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One who's chosen me
To carry you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlDUkp1Ts8A
