Picture this. A group of late 20-something friends get together one night for a fire. The boys are all gathered outside sitting by the fire, sharing stories about hunting and catching up on what's new in their lives. The girls are all inside with their babies, I'm sure chatting about how long their baby is sleeping through the night or about how life has changed since their little one arrived. I wouldn't know, though, since I was outside with the guys.
I've grin and bared through the talks about how much baby looks like dad or how breastfeeding is going plenty of times before. But that night I just couldn't. No one questioned me or asked me why I was still outside when every other girl (except for one who came a little later) was inside. And for that I'm thankful. It still didn't matter much, as the drive home with Eric was filled with tears and the ever present feeling of feeling "left out" or that I just don't fit in. Not that it's ever intentional. I know a lot of people do try their hardest to include me/us. That doesn't change the face that the elephant in the room is that I've had two of my children die and theirs are still here. Sometimes, like that night, it's just a little too much to bear.
The worst part is that I'm not alone in that feeling. I've heard stories from my mom along the same line as mine after she lost my older brother Ryan. I had a friend tell me that her mom has felt the same way after she lost her twins. And up until now, people have had to grieve and go through all of this relatively alone.
Last week, the Jasper County Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group had our first official meeting. And it was everything I had hoped it would be and more. There's no bond like the one you have with other women (and men) who have also lost a baby. You just get each other. You understand why you can't go to a baby shower, or why you can't be excited for a pregnancy announcement. This tribe of women that I'm learning and growing with has already helped me so much in just one meeting. And I'm sure the rest of those that were there would agree. We cried together, we laughed together, we lifted each other up in ways that only someone who truly understands what you are going through can do. I feel so blessed that we get to do this once a month!
If you've been through a pregnancy or infant loss and you're looking for a group that gets you, please come check us out. Or pass this along to someone who needs it. I've included our meeting dates for a year in the picture below, as well as when and where we meet. You don't have to be from Jasper County to attend, anyone is welcome! And if you're not ready for this kind of group or are wondering if this is a good fit for you, please come to our December meeting. I promise it will be less "meeting" and more "fun" because we are making Christmas ornaments for our babies! You can RSVP here if you decide this sounds like something you'd like to do. I know that we would love to have you.
