Finding Joy during the Holidays

This holiday season has been hard. Very hard. Eric and I should be thinking about how we want to decorate the nursery, not about what we want Ian's tombstone to look like. We should be shopping for nursery furniture, not for funeral plots. We should be talking with friends and family about the pregnancy and how excited we are to become parents, not receiving condolences and sharing tears. 

But that is the most brutally honest definition of life. Life isn't fair. And at times, it really stinks. Is there anything we can do about it? No. Eric and I hit our lowest low this holiday season. However, losing Ian during Christmas time has been a small blessing in disguise.

As I stare at the nativity scene in our living room, I am reminded about the one person Christmas is all about-Jesus. He was born, lived a perfect life, and died so that when we die we may go to Heaven and be with Him for all eternity. He is the reason I can smile knowing that Ian is in a better place. He is the reason that as each day passes, I can pull myself up and start living my life again. He is the reason that after everything that has happened, I can smile, laugh and enjoy the company of my friends and family. He is the reason that when I go to bed at night, I can dream of holding my son again, hearing his voice, seeing his beautiful pair of wings. 

Because of Jesus, I have been able to find joy during this extremely difficult time. I was able to enjoy spending Christmas with Eric (and Bailey). I was able to laugh with my best friends while they were home. I was able to attend family Christmas celebrations and get engulfed in the joy and happiness around me, momentarily forgetting about the pain and sadness that has been present in my life. 

I hope that all of you have found a reason to find joy during this holiday season and have a blessed and happy new year.

Here are a few pictures from our Christmas celebration...

Before midnight mass on Christmas Eve.

  

Bailey loved here big bag of treats!

Opening up one of her presents. 

One of her new toys. She made out pretty good this Christmas!

Proof that dogs are just like children- once she opened all her presents she came back to play with the box and wrapping paper! 

The Post I Never Wanted to Write...

I've been staring at my computer screen for hours, wondering how I'm going to write what I have on my mind. I go back and forth on how I wanted this blog post to start. To put it simply, there's no good way to start it.

On Tuesday, December 16, at 6:27 P.M., Eric and I became parents to our beautiful, innocent, perfect little boy, Ian Joseph Schackmann.

Just one short long week earlier, I went in to my OB/GYN office to check for our baby's heartbeat. Eric and I randomly used the fetal Doppler we have at home to check on our baby's heartbeat between my doctor's appointments. I had just had my 16 week appointment on Thursday December 4th. I heard Ian's heart beating strongly at 150-160 beats per minute, the same as it had at all my previous appointments. Eric and I went on living our lives like nothing was wrong. But on Monday December 8th, something was wrong. When using the Doppler to check for our baby's heartbeat like we had so many times before, I couldn't find it. I tried for over 5 minutes, moving all over my stomach, with no luck. Eric said it was nothing, that I had just heard the heartbeat days earlier. We already knew that I had an anterior placenta and Ian liked to hang out by my back. He said that our baby was probably just hiding. The only thing I could do was believe him, thinking that I would be able to find his heartbeat in the morning.

But that next morning, I still couldn't find the heartbeat. Trying not stress out, I texted Eric my concerns. He still said not to worry, but I knew I couldn't wait until my next appointment to see if something was indeed wrong. I called my OB's office, trying to laugh off my situation and saying that I just needed some reassurance. I was scheduled to come in later that afternoon.

Once at my doctor's office, a nurse took me back to an exam room to check on the heartbeat. She made small talk to me as she looked, but I couldn't help but notice the fear in her eyes as she too, like I had done many times that day, searched my stomach high and low for my dear baby's heartbeat. She decided to call in another nurse, one that used the Doppler more often than she did and always had luck finding heartbeats, to take a listen. As she searched, I couldn't help but fear the worse. She told me that she thought she was picking up something around 150, which could be the baby. To make sure, she decided to have me squeezed in to get an ultrasound.

Sitting in that waiting room waiting on the ultrasound was torture. I was there, alone, fearing the worst. I saw numerous women who were visibly pregnant, oblivious to the fear and pain I was feeling. When I was finally called back for my ultrasound, I didn't know what to think. I was hoping, praying, that I would see that tiny flicker of a heartbeat on the screen. Deep down, though, I knew something was wrong.

The wand hit my stomach and the ultrasound tech moved it around until she found the baby. But this wasn't the baby I had seen just weeks before down at SIU, arms and legs flailing around, his mouth opening and closing. No, this baby was something unrecognizable-curled up into a small ball. The tech quickly took measurements without saying a word. I tried staying positive, but then she told me the words that will forever haunt my nightmares, "I'm sorry, Sharon, but your baby has no heartbeat." Tuesday, December 9, at 3;05 P.M. our lives were forever changed.

I immediately called Eric. The only thing I could muster to get out was that the baby had no heartbeat. He said he was on his way. I was brought to another room to wait on Dr. Haller to come in and talk about what to do next. Luckily, Theresa works in Effingham and came over to the doctor's office so I wouldn't have to be alone while I waited on Eric. After what seemed like hours, Eric finally walked into the room. I couldn't help but burst into hysterical sobs when I saw him. This baby, the one we planned for, wanted, prayed for, loved, was gone.

After hearing the options, we decided that I would be induced and have the baby as opposed to getting a D&C. I couldn't stand the thought of our baby coming out of me in pieces, which would be that case if we decided on a D&C since I was so far along. I had my blood drawn to be sent for testing to see if what caused the miscarriage had something to do with me. Then we were led out the back door, which I was thankful for. I know as soon as I walked out into that waiting room I would be flooded with tears once again.

Once we got home, we told my mom, which was so much harder than I had ever imagined. Eric had told his mom, so no words were needed when she arrived. But to physically tell someone what had happened, that made it real. It was no longer this terrible nightmare that I was thrown into, but now a cruel reality that I am forced to live with for the rest of my life. I could see my mom's heart breaking, as my older brother Ryan was stillborn two years before I was born. The news not only brought on a sad reminder of her past, but also the pain of knowing what I was going through without being able to offer more than words of love and support.

The rest of that night was spent cradled in Eric's arms, letting the tears fall freely down my face, questioning why on Earth something like this had to happen. The following days went slowly. Though we tried to do things normal people do, the harsh reminder that something had changed was evident. We told a few of our closest friends what had happened, and left our parents to tell our relatives.

Cards, flowers, and sympathies flooded in. I spent most of the next week curled up on the couch, unable to reply to anyone without being overwhelmed by a sense of sadness. Friends and family stopped by, and they were a welcome distraction to the reality looming in our near future. I was scheduled to be induced at the hospital on Tuesday, December 16 at 7:30 in the morning.

As Tuesday approached, I slowly started realizing that that day was indeed almost here. That I would have to accept the fact that I soon would no longer be carrying our son. Thankfully, Monday was a long day. But when Monday night rolled around, I did everything I could to keep from going to bed. I made Eric watch just one more show with me in the living room before we laid down in bed, knowing that that would mean I was that much closer to Tuesday. I laid as close as I could to Eric that night, and he never took his arm out from under my neck.

Tuesday morning we were mostly silent as we prepared for the day. Eric made us cinnamon rolls for breakfast as I finished packing our hospital bag. Once in our room in Labor and Delivery, I broke down again. That was not how I pictured my first time in Labor and Delivery to be. Luckily, I had to best nurses I could have ever asked for.

My nurse was very caring, telling me to take as much time as I needed before changing into my gown. She was gentle as she placed the IV into my arm, and always told me what was happening. Dr. Haller soon entered the room. She placed the first of three suppositories I would take that day to induce labor into my cervix. It took a few hours, but the nausea soon hit, as well as the feverish chills. Mild contractions weren't far behind. Luckily the nurse always came in as soon as I called her, and I was able to get pain medicine through my IV, as well as Zofran for the nausea and Tylenol for the fever I was developing.

Four hours later at 1;00 PM, Dr. Haller returned to insert the second suppository. Again, I was hit with nausea and chills, though this time they hit me sooner. Dr. Haller informed us that my cervix was still closed, but that my uterus and the baby had moved down to right above my cervix. Eric and I passed the time that day by doing a lot of sleeping, which I am thankful for. While asleep, I couldn't feel the contractions that worsened with each new suppository.

At 5:40, Dr. Haller came in again to give me the next suppository. She told me this time that my cervix had softened in the middle. She assured me that she was on call that night and would be there to deliver my baby when the time came. I chose to get my Zofran and Tylenol before I ate this time in hopes that the nausea would not hit this time. The pain medicine once again lessened the effects of my ever-strengthening contractions.

Dan, Theresa, and Nichole stopped by for a few minutes after visiting Grandma Schackmann (she was in the rehab wing of a nursing home for falling and breaking her hip the week before). While talking to them I could feel my contractions getting worse. I found myself having to focus on deep breaths through my mouth while they were there. They left to go grab Eric something to eat and said they would be back soon.

Not long after they left, my contractions became unbearable. I pressed the nurse call button, hopeful that she could give me more pain medication. Instead, she sat by my side and rubbed on my stomach. That's when I felt it happening. A deep pressure was forming in my cervix, and I felt it get lower and lower. At 6:27 PM I delivered our baby boy. The nurse quickly called in another nurse to call Dr. Haller. When Dr. Haller arrived, she told me that the sac had ruptured and the placenta did not come out with the baby. About 10 minutes and some horrible pain later, she said that the placenta was out.

Eric sat there, holding my hand tightly, as I took in several deep breaths, processing everything that had just happened. Dr. Haller came back over and asked if we wanted to hold him, our son. I immediately lost it. I know how much Eric had wanted a son, and just knowing that he would never get to know his first son completely broke my heart. And I could tell it had broken his heart too. Dr. Haller brought him over, wrapped in a baby blanket that was a million sizes too big for his little body.

But he was perfect. Ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. Dr. Haller said that his cord was wrapped tightly around his belly button and that where the cord attached to the placenta was mostly membrane. She couldn't be certain that this was why he passed away much too soon, but said that we would hopefully know more after he got back from his autopsy.

We were given as much time as we needed with him. We named him Ian, which means "gift from God", and gave him the middle name of Joseph, which is also Eric's middle name. He weighed 4.2 ounces and measured 7 inches long. He fit in the palm of our hands. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I took in everything I could about him-how his head was still a little too big for his body, how long his arms and legs were, those tiny little fingers and toes, his beautiful little face-knowing that all too soon I would never see our son again.

Seeing Eric hold our son once again brought me, and him, to tears. Words can't describe how perfect he looked holding Ian. I hope that one day I can give him another child to love and care for in a way that we will never get to do with Ian. We let the nurse take him to try to get his footprints and handprints, as well as take some pictures. I will treasure those for the rest of my life.

The nurse gave Ian back to us and said to take as long as we needed, because once we were ready she had to take him away to prepare him for autopsy. Eric and I each held our baby boy for the last time in this life. One last time I took in his face, his tiny body. I held his little hand and told him how much Eric and I loved him and that we couldn't wait to see him again. We cried as the nurse took him away, and she asked if we were in fact ready to say goodbye. I told her that we would never be ready. She let us give him one last kiss before she left.

Dan and Theresa had dropped off some food for us during this time, which was a welcome distraction while we waited on my discharge paperwork to be completed. After 11 hours of labor, and three and a half hours of saying goodbye to Ian and waiting to be discharged, we left the hospital. The nurse gave me a hug as she helped me into the car. It meant so much to know how much she cared about Eric and I and the tragic loss we had experienced.

The one thing that comforted me throughout this time was knowing that the first face our little Ian saw was Jesus'. Ian was up in heaven, meeting his aunt Julie and uncle Ryan, flying around with all the other angels. He was perfect, and only knows the love that Jesus, Eric, and I have for him, instead of the pain and suffering here on Earth. For that I am thankful.

Eric and I appreciate the love, kindness, thoughts, and prayers that we have and will continue to receive throughout all of this. Nothing but time can ease the hurt and sadness we feel, but please know your prayers and kind words mean so much to us.

                    "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans 
                    to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and 
                    a future." Jeremiah 29:11

16 Weeks

How far along: 16 weeks

Weight gain/loss: As long as my home scale is the same as the doctor's scale, I still haven't gained any weight- woohoo!

Sleep: Still sleeping really well. I just got myself my own body pillow, since Eric likes to hog the other one that we have, and I think it is really helping. 

Wedding Rings: On! 

Showing: Yep! I just had someone today comment on my bump, and one of my client's moms commented on it on Tuesday. I still don't think you would notice I was pregnant if you didn't know, but I'm glad that people are starting to notice the bump. 

Cravings: Sprite, root beer, chocolate milk...anything but water. It just isn't doing it for me this week. 

Gender: Since we found out last week that Kendra is having a boy, I was told by my friends that means I'm having a girl, so we will see :)

Best Moment this Week: Moving into our house! We are finally starting to make our house a home, and we couldn't be happier. 

Looking forward to: Doctor's appointment on Thursday! Get to hear baby's heartbeat again and see how I'm progressing. Hopefully we will be scheduling our anatomy scan so we'll finally know what baby Schackmann will be!!

Thankful

Thankful. Around this time each year, people all over the world reflect on what they are thankful for in the past year. This year is no different. In fact, this year I feel like my little family has even more to be thankful for!

Every day I am thankful for the man I call my best friend, my soul-mate, and the person who can put a smile on my face no matter what mood I'm in- Eric. (Even though this year I'm not too thankful for the facial hair he has been sporting for No-Shave November!) When I count my blessings, I definitely count this guy twice. I know he is going to be the best dad to our little nugget. 

This year especially, I am more than thankful for our families. Both of our families so graciously opened up their homes to us when we made the decision to move home. Did they have to do that? No. Will Eric and I forever be in their debt because of it? Absolutely. We can't ever repay you guys for all that you did for us this past summer, but please know that we very much appreciated everything.

And on that note, I'm thankful that Eric and I were able to both find jobs that we love that allowed us to move back home. Each day we talk about how nice it is to be home. I don't think that will ever change!

I think I speak for both Eric and I when I say we are thankful for our puppy, Bailey. She may get on our nerves at times with her biting and jumping, but nothing can replace that feeling of her on your lap giving you a big lick on the cheek or the leg hug she gives you as you are walking away.

Another thing we have the privilege of being thankful for is our own house! That's right, you heard me-Eric and I are officially homeowners (well, as of this Tuesday afternoon we will be). We have been unpacking and organizing things all week. Only a few boxes left!

Our friends have always been a huge a part of our lives, and this year is no different. They are always there to laugh with, cry with, and just be there when you need them. I'm extra thankful that I have the opportunity to be pregnant with two of my best friends, Kendra and Ashley, and that my best friend Kaci will get to be the honorary aunt to all of our kids. 

The thing I am most thankful for this year is the little bun in my oven :) Words can't express how I feel about the opportunity that God gave me to bring another human being into this world. Eric and I are already so lucky, and our baby isn't even here yet!

But for now, it's back to watching my Sunday night shows and maybe-just maybe-unpack a few more boxes. Those last few boxes seem to take forever to get through!

15 Weeks

How far along: 15 weeks

Weight gain/loss: Still denying that I've gained any weight. I know that will change after this week!

Sleep: Like a rock! Which is odd because we've finally moved into our house. I thought for sure I would have trouble sleeping, guess not!

Wedding Rings: On! 

Showing: It's official folks. I'm showing! I've noticed that my bump doesn't really go away anymore. To top it off, my mom called me fat this week! (Gee thanks mom). Eric also commented on how I have a bump going on- he loves it! 

Cravings: Mmmm, Jimmy Johns. 

Gender: Still don't know! I got an ultrasound a few days ago, but I told them I didn't want to find out the sex without Eric. Hopefully only another month before we know!

Best Moment this Week: Oh man I have a few. First one was seeing baby on the ultrasound! Words can't describe how amazing that was. Second, Eric and I are finally in our house!!!! Expect a blog post on that soon :)

Looking forward to: Thanksgiving! I can't wait to spend time with my family and eat some yummy yummy food. What could be better than that?

Baby's First Pictures! {Ultrasound Style}

Since first shotgun season was a bust for both of us- we only saw deer on Friday morning and even with our guns they were still too far away- I'll go ahead and skip to the fun baby stuff: ultrasound pictures!!

After hunting Friday morning, I hurried on down to Carbondale to meet Emilee so she could scan me during her lab. As soon as that wand hit my belly my eyes shot up to the screen and I saw a baby. Not a bean, not a blob. An actual baby. That moment has been one of the coolest moments in my pregnancy so far. 

Baby did a lot of chilling upside down, which Emilee told me meant that baby was facing my back. I also found out the I have an anterior placenta, so it might take longer for me to feel kicks. But isn't that just the cutest baby you've ever seen?? Eric and I are so in love already!

I really like this picture because you can see the spinal cord so well. It's amazing that in only 14 weeks a baby already looks fully formed.

Baby is already being prim and proper-crossing it's legs!

It's an alien baby! Good thing baby won't look like that when he or she comes out :)

Last one of baby looking like most babies do on an ultrasound. Can't believe that in 25 or so weeks I'll be holding this little nugget in my arms!

Preparing for Shotgun Season

It's almost shotgun season for this family. Eric has been slaving away on some ground blinds (which I promise to post about soon) and finally has them in the woods. The only thing left to do is sight in our shotguns, or in Eric's case, his brand-new muzzle-loader.

And of course, the day we decide to sight in our guns was the day it decided to snow in November. Since when does it snow in November!? Anywho, Justin came over, we brought Bailey out, and we shot some guns.

We all got our guns sighted in for the weekend. It was pretty cool to see how far away you can shoot and still hit the target!

Bailey absolutely LOVED the snow! She loved it so much, that when we were shooting, we had to tie her up so she wasn't running around digging where we were aiming. And much to Eric's liking, our girl is not gun shy. The first shot startled her, but after the shot was fired she ran right up to Eric to see what was going on. Every shot after that didn't phase her one bit. Eric already sees a rabbit dog in our future.

Here she is just digging away. Bailey loved running around in the snow and digging her nose in the ground any chance she got. Eric and I can't wait until the house is finally ours and she can run around all the time. 

On a different note, the Stratus bit the bullet this weekend. We were driving home from sighting in the guns. I was in the Impala with Bailey and Eric was following behind. I left before he did so I didn't notice when he wasn't following me so closely. I got home and was unpacking the car and taking care of Bailey when mom tells me that Eric is on the phone. I ask Eric what's going on and he says that he is in the ditch. 

So I put my shoes back on and head down the road to find him in the ditch with his front end over a culvert. As a side note, this car does horrible on snow and the tires were in dire need of replacing. Eric said he started sliding and just slid right into the ditch.

We got a hold of the tow truck (their first tow of the season-yay!) and they pulled us out of the ditch. Unfortunately, when they were pulling, the culvert was pulling back. The bottom of the bumper got ripped off and a large piece of our car was now dangling down on the pavement. I'm assuming it was the radiator, but don't quote me on that because I know nothing about cars. We both knew that it would cost more to repair the car than it was worth. Let the car shopping begin!

Luckily, it didn't take us long to find a nice used car to replace the Stratus. We are officially an Impala family now! At least now we have a car that will handle the winter weather and will be safe for our little one on the way. A blessing in disguise!

14 Weeks

Finally made it to the second trimester!

How far along: 14 weeks

Weight gain/loss: None that I know of, though I haven't weighed myself in a while...

Sleep: I've been sleeping pretty good this week. I find myself waking up on my back a lot. Should I be worried I'm not sleeping on my side more??

Wedding Rings: Still on and loose. 

Showing: Ok, I think I might finally be starting to show, as long as I'm wearing a shirt that's tight around my midsection. Eric told me earlier this week that he thinks he sees a bump going on. Just today at work one of my co-workers commented on my baby bump. I still think it's mostly fat with a little bloat.  

Cravings: Nothing really this week. I have been gravitating towards sweet, fruity things, like the strawberry-banana smoothie from Solid Grounds I've had twice in the past week...

Gender: Still up in the air on this one. Eric and I call baby a girl, but would be very excited either way. Very much anticipating our 20 week appointment when we can hopefully find out!

Best Moment this Week: Hearing baby's heartbeat any time we want to. Thanks to my awesome boss, I have a little doppler that I can use to check on the heartbeat any time I need some reassurance. I promise I don't check it every day!

Looking forward to: Friday when I can see our little bean again!! My good friend Emilee is in Ultrasound Tech school at SIUC and she's going to do an ultrasound for me. I'm so lucky!

13 Weeks

How far along: 13 weeks

Weight gain/loss: None yet!

Sleep: I've been having trouble getting comfortable in bed lately. This is going to be a looooong pregnancy.

Wedding Rings: Still on. And with this cold weather we've gotten this week, they are actually really loose. 

Showing: Still not yet. This is a more accurate picture of my lack of a baby bump, as apposed to my food baby last week. 

Cravings: DQ chicken strip baskets. I could eat them every day. No lie. 

Gender: Kaci says she is 60% sure that I'm having a boy, Kendra is guessing I'm having a girl. I'm just going to go with baby, that's a safe bet. 

Best Moment this Week: We set a closing date on our house!! Very much looking forward to having our own space again. 

Looking forward to: Officially being in my second trimester next week! May will be here before I know it!

12 Weeks

I knew I wanted a way to document my pregnancy and see exactly how much my belly is growing, so I took a cue from one of my best friend Ashley's blog and decided to do a chalkboard week tracker. 

How far along: 12 weeks 2 days

Weight gain/loss: Haven't gained any yet! Though I'm bloated beyond belief-I swear that bump in the picture is a combination of a food baby/major bloat. Next time I'll try to take the picture before I eat a big meal :)

Sleep: Sleeping really well, aside from having to get up 3 or 4 times in the middle of the night to use the restroom.

Wedding Rings: Still on!

Showing: Just a beautifully bloated belly. Without my hands around my bloat it doesn't look like I'm showing at all. 

Cravings: Anything chocolate. Sweets are my weakness so far this pregnancy.

Gender: No ideas yet! Eric is hoping boy, I'm hoping healthy baby.

Best Moment this Week: Hearing baby's heartbeat (in the 160's) at my doctor's appointment on Thursday! Nothing beats that sound. Also, finally telling everyone-this was one secret that was so hard to keep to ourselves!

Looking forward to: This pregnancy acne to go away. I feel like I'm in high school again! Also looking forward to looking pregnant and not just bloated/pudgy.  

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes...

BABY!

That's right everyone, I'm pregnant!! 

Eric would prefer I say that we are pregnant, but I'm the one carrying this baby, so I think I'll stick with I'm. That's not to cut out the fact that he had a huge part in the pregnancy, because he obviously did. He isn't the one who's had to deal with nausea, a sore body, being extremely tired, increased breathing issues, and having trouble sleeping, though.

In all honesty, I've had a pretty easy pregnancy so far (knock on wood!). I've had no vomiting, and my nausea usually goes away as soon as I can snack on something-goldfish have been my best friend the past 12 weeks! My asthma has gotten slightly worse, but I think I'm finally getting it under control again. As far as troubles sleeping, I know that will only get worse as I get closer to my due date, so I guess I should be thankful for the sleep I am getting now. 

Back to the subject of Eric- I will say that every day I fall more and more in love with that man. He has been my rock, my shoulder to cry on when mood swings get the best of me, the one who will fill up my water bottle when it's empty, rub my back when I'm having a coughing fit, and generally do whatever I ask him to do. Do I deserve it? No. But I am extremely thankful for it, and I let him know that all the time. I can already tell he will be the best dad to our little bundle of joy. He talks to baby every night, usually telling her/him to give me a break and let me breath or stop making me nauseous ha! Regardless, it's one of the sweetest and heartwarming things I have ever seen. I can't wait to see how he interacts with the baby once it's out here with us! I'll find out in about 6 months I guess :)

How did I find out? When I missed my period in August, I thought for sure it meant I was pregnant. I took a test the week after my period was due, but it was negative. Those darn irregular periods from my teenage years were back. The next couple weeks, I took a few more tests, all negative. So when I missed my period again in September, I just thought that my cycles were doomed to be irregular. 

I planned on calling my OBGYN to see what they could do about them since Eric and I were ready to start a family. I decided I should take one more pregnancy test, just in case, since I was sure they would ask if I was pregnant. What the heck, I thought. As I sat waiting for the test to come back negative, I looked up the phone number to call. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the test I saw two pink lines staring back up at me. I almost didn't believe it! In fact, I took a couple more tests just to be sure. After it finally sunk into me that I was pregnant, I had to plan on how to tell Eric. 

I ran to the store to grab some onesies and glitter glue. I thought it turned out really cute! Only problem was, I worked until 6:30 that night, then we ate with my family. Eric finally said he was going to take a shower. Perfect- I'll have this sitting on the bed when he comes back to the bedroom! I got things ready, turned the light off, and very impatiently waited for him to come back to the room. When he came in, he didn't notice it right away. Then I see him staring at the foot of the bed where the onsie was placed. He finally says, "Noooo..." with a huge smile on his face. I could barely contain my excitement when I told him it was true! I don't think we stopped smiling, hugging, and kissing each other all night.

Now the next question was how and when to tell our parents. We decided to wait until after my first appointment so we would have an ultrasound picture and a more definite due date to tell them. The appointment went great! We got to see our little bean, and we even heard his or her tiny beating heart at 133 beats per minute. If that doesn't take your breath away I don't know what will. I decided to make little picture frames that read, "Hi, Grandma and Grandpa! Can't wait to meet you May 20, 2015. Love, Baby Schackmann."

I wrapped them up all nice and cute. Now how would I explain giving presents to our parents for no reason? That was actually easier than I thought! Since both of our parents have so graciously opened up their homes for us to move back in until our house is ready, I would tell them that this present was a thank you for all they have done. First up was Dan and Theresa, then my mom and dad since dad got home late from work due to the storms. 

Of course, both sets of parents said that we didn't need to thank them, a present wasn't necessary, etc. But when Theresa and my mom opened the box and saw what was inside, they stopped talking and gave us one of those big-eyed, puppy dog faces that made them look like they were going to cry with happiness. Our dads were both thinking, what could be in that box? Once they saw what it was too, everyone was overjoyed with excitement. Lots of hugs, congratulations, and even more hugs ensued. I think that both of our parents are a wee bit excited to be grandparents!

We've told our immediate families, grandparents, and a few close friends. Now that I've had my 12 week appointment, we decided to tell the rest of the world. Look out, this Schackmann family has a lot left in store for you.

Eric and I could not be any more excited to start this crazy journey called parenthood. Luckily, we have some great role models to look to when we don't know which way to go. This baby is so loved already.

(First and last pictures taken by the wonderful Kendra Crane of Kendra Crane Photography. One talented best friend!)

Tough Mudder Missouri

This past weekend, Eric participated in Tough Mudder Missouri. He has been training for this event since last year with a group of friends. I'm so glad I was able to go and take pictures of them during the race! 

If you've never heard of Tough Mudder, it's a 10-12 mile obstacle course designed to test all-around strength, stamina, teamwork, and mental grit. Tough Mudder is "Probably the Toughest Event on the Planet." 

The course Eric ran was 10.4 miles with 19 obstacles (I got pictures of most of them!). It took them a little over 4 hours to finish the course, but that included some long waits at a few different obstacles. 

The obstacles included Creek Crusade, Devils Beard, Warrior Carry, Everest, Berlin Walls, Jumpin' Bale, Walk the Plank, Balls to the Wall, Prairie Dog, Mudder Wheelbarrow, Pole Dancer, Creek Crusade, Funky Monkey, Mud Mile, Arctic Enema, Jumpin' Bale, Glory Blades, Mudslide, and Electroshock Therapy.

Here's some pictures from the race:

Eric's team! Mike, Jaycen, Eric, Justin, Stuart, and David

Pre-race picture

Devil's Beard obstacle

Still smiling, but it's still early in the race!

This was probably my favorite obstacle to watch because of the teamwork that went into it. This is Everest. Everyone worked together and took turns laying on the ground to help people climb up (Eric's at the bottom in the second row from the end), and then others waited at the top to grab arms and legs of fellow mudders to help pull them up. 

Eric's turn to get to the top!

This obstacle was called Berlin Walls. Two straight up and down walls to climb over. 

Then it was Jumpin' Bale, where they had to climb over 5 or 6 rows of hay bales. Later they had to jump across rows of lined up hay bales.

 

Walk the Plank! A 12 foot jump down into some chilly water. 

Balls to the Wall-using a rope to climb up and down a wall. 

Funky Monkey. I was so impressed that all the boys were able to finish this one! They had to "monkey bar" up and inclined ladder and then down a declined ladder. 

The Mud Mile. Hay bales covered in mud and muck with nasty mud pits in between them. 

This one is called Arctic Enema. There was a dumpster full of ice water that they had to jump in. To make matters worse, they had to go under the water! There was a board half-way submerged in the middle of the dumpster so they had to go under to get to the other side. Noooo thank you! 

I'd say it was a little cold :)

  

The last obstacle before the finish line was called Electroshock Therapy. There were live wires hanging down all throughout the obstacle charged with 7,500 volts. Eric said he only got shocked once-he was a lucky one!

Crossing that long awaited finish line! So proud of my husband for completing the race!

All the boys after crossing the finish line! With their post-race beers of course.

  

And our post-race picture. No touching that muddy boy until he washes off!