Thy Will

This morning I was driving in my car to go babysit Auggie. And like it usually does, my mind drifted to Ian, and what life would be like if he was still here. Then, like a sign from God, this song came on the radio- "Thy Will" by Hillary Scott. 

I only had to listen to a few lines before I knew that God was trying to tell me something. 

"I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I've got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done

I know you're good
But this don't feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It's hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I am not
So

Thy will be done

I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
I know you hear me
I know you see me, Lord."

I've spent a long time trying to make sense of God's promises. Some days I'm able to pull myself up and smile and laugh and know that everything is going to be alright. Some days I raise my fists to God and ask Why me? What did I do to deserve this?

And the beautiful thing is that I didn't do anything. For not my will but Thine be done. God's plans are far greater than mine. He knows just what I need, like the cuddles Auggie gave me today as he went down for his nap. 

I've noticed God's plan a lot this past week. It all started with that bad storm on our anniversary. Normally, I would be home by 4 o'clock. But that day, I decided to get a sweet tea and stop by the paint store to get some stain. Instead of being home when the tree fell, I was still on my way and didn't have to be scared out of my mind when it happened. 

Because of that tree falling, we found out that the tree that it hit was rotted inside and would need to be taken completely down. My absolute favorite tree in our yard could have fallen on our house during the next big storm. It was truly a blessing in disguise. (Even if I hated watching it get cut down). 

Even though my plan and God's plan do not in any way, shape or form line up (if only I could be that lucky!), I know that he hears my prayers, he sees my tears fall down, and that he has greater things in store for me.

Because if Ian hadn't passed away, we wouldn't have Cassie. We wouldn't be putting all this extra money into our house payment. We wouldn't be renovating our barn. I can only think that God is allowing us to better prepare for the family that we will have one day, no matter how long it takes. 

Lots of you have had your plans line up with God's, and believe me when I say I couldn't be happier for you. But some of you haven't. Some of you pray every night that you'll find the money to make it through the month, that you'll get the call back from your interview, that this month will be the month you'll see those two pink lines. I know it's easy to give up on God. It's easy to fall into a dark place. If there's anything I can tell you, it's that God sees you, God hears you, and he only has goodness in store. So Thy will be done.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."- Jeremiah 29:11

Storm Damage

Whew, what.a.day. Yesterday was Eric and I's third anniversary, so we were planning on having a relaxing evening, cook yummy food, and enjoy our time together. Mother nature had slightly different plans. 

On my way home from work yesterday, I decided to run a few errands, which put me leaving Newton to head home around 4:30. As I'm turning onto the Bogota Road, it started raining so hard that I could hardly see. The wind was basically blowing the rain sideways and even with my wipers on full speed, I could barely see. By the time I got to my road, the rain had let up some and I was finally able to see. And boy did I have a sight to see.

I couldn't tell exactly what had happened, but I could tell that there was something very large and very green in our yard. As I got up the driveway, I could tell that it looked like it missed our house. But then I started worrying about Cassie and Bailey, who usually, even in the rain, come out to greet me. I'm almost crying as I get up to the house and don't see them anywhere. I run to the front porch, scared that they were caught under the trees. I went one more time to the back door, screaming for them, and finally I see Cassie pop her head out of the doghouse, and then a few seconds later I see Bailey in there too. I've never been so relieved in my life. They must have been all the way in the back of the doghouse when I got home. 

Then I went back to the front porch to assess the damage. We are so so lucky that it didn't hit our house. If the wind would have been coming just a little more from the south it definitely would have. And while I'm super sad that half of my favorite tree in our yard is gone, I'm thankful that no one was home, no one was hurt, and that nothing (besides the trees and our yard) were damaged.

Just feet from hitting our front porch!

And here's the culprit. This tree tree was pretty rotted out on the bottom, so we really aren't surprised that it fell down, we just weren't expecting it to take another tree with it. 

So, if you have a chain saw and nothing to do this weekend I know we would appreciate the help!!