How in the world has it been three years? Not a second goes by that you aren't on my mind. I could probably say the same thing about a lot of other people's minds too, because I constantly bring you up on this blog, and from what I hear it's pretty well read. In fact, I know that you are constantly on the minds of our friends- I've been getting texts and cards for a few days now, and it warms my heart so much to know that you haven't been forgotten.
I think of you every time I see that glimmer in Auggie's eye. Oh what I would give to see the two of you play. I just know that you would have been the best of friends. And I would have pitied Ashley and I having to deal with two ornery little boys. I think of you every time I see Auggie and Dez playing together when I get together with my friends. And I imagine how you would fit in with the two of them (perfectly is what I'm guessing).
I think of you every time I hold your cousin Grant. Every kiss, every snuggle, every "I love you", has a little extra that I send to Heaven just for you. As I held Grant last night and breathed in that fresh baby smell, I couldn't help but for a second imagine it was you. That you were the one fighting sleep, but finally giving in as you laid your head on my chest. That you were the one with your fingers curled around mine, or giving me that gummy grin with the most precious face I've ever seen. I'm sure that will never stop. Because even though everyone else is always getting a little older, you will always be my baby. And a part of me will always be longing to hold you just one more time in my arms, and to feel your stomach rise and fall with each breath.
Sometimes I wonder how I've made it this long here without you. It kills me every day. I might not cry as much as I used to (and don't get me wrong, I cry all the time), but the pain of losing you will always be fresh on my mind. I hope that you are enjoying today with your sister, your aunt, and your uncle. And maybe a few of your friends. And like Emery said in her card, "I hope that Jesus is taking good care of you."
Love you always baby boy.
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