Hearts at Home 2.0 Conference

This weekend was exactly what my heart needed. Thank you, Ashley, for thinking to invite this atypical mom to a mom's conference. Hearts at Home 2.0 filled my heart with joy and my soul with Jesus. If you get the chance to go in the future, I 1000% recommend it. 

First let me start with a little history of the conference. The original conference, Hearts at Home, was founded by Jill Savage in 1994! In 2017, she decided to step back from the conference, ending Hearts at Home. Luckily, there were a few amazing people who decided that this conference couldn't just end. Dr. Kathy Koch and Suzanne and Lane Phillips were able to revive the conference this year, lovingly naming it Hearts at Home 2.0 in homage to Jill's legacy. At the end of the conference they revealed some amazing plans they have to keep this thing going for generations to come, including a conference for you and your husband to attend. If you want to know more about all of this, be sure to check out Ignite the Family, you won't regret it!

Ammon, Ashley, Dana, Courtney, Shelby, and myself set off for Bloomington Friday evening. When we arrived, our house looked slightly haunted. Luckily in the daylight it looks much more like the cute little house it actually was. No ghost encounters here! Excellent conversations, lots of laughs, and growing friendships ensued, though.

Saturday was conference day! I'm still trying to absorb all of the awesome-ness that was poured into my head and heart, but I'll break it down a little bit for you. From what Ashley has told me, the original Hearts at Home conference featured a few keynote speakers and break-out sessions to choose from. At Hearts 2, there were no breakouts, but rather 7 amazing women speaking truth, love and faith to everyone there.

                                         

I personally loved the layout of this conference. In past conferences, it sounds like there were sessions to focus on you, sessions for your marriage, and sessions for your kids. I would say the overall message of this conference was to focus on yourself and your relationship with Jesus, and everything else will stem from that. 

The fact that this conference focused on you, the mom, was exactly what my mom heart needed. I'm not saying that a conference with breakouts on all the different things wouldn't have been great, but at this point in my motherhood journey, women telling me that I am important and that I need to figure out myself first was the best message I could have received.

I'm not going to lie, I've struggled a lot with my identity (and don't worry, I have a whole blog post already planned for this one thanks to Dr. Kathy Koch!) and not feeling like I'm where I'm supposed to be in life. Hearts 2 started changing my perspective on that and started to help me realize that I am enough, that God makes no mistakes, and that I have a purpose on this journey. I might still be trying to figure that purpose out, but I have no doubts that God will help me out on that one.

I'm already looking forward to next year. I can't wait to see what messages we will get to hear, and the amazing women I will get to meet. If you're curious about what Hearts 2 was all about and want to know more, I'd be happy to talk it over with you (and urge you to go next year!). 

Madison's Second Angelversary

Madison, I honestly can't even believe it's been another 365 days since I've seen you, held you, and given you so many kisses. I was just talking with your aunts this week about how it feels like you were just here.

And Maddie, that thought bring me such joy. Two years later and I can still see how much you've touched the lives of everyone around you. You remain close to our hearts and ever-present in our minds. I couldn't ask for anything more for your birthday.

Well that's a total lie, because I could ask for so much more. But I'm quickly reminded by my aching heart and quiet house that no matter how much I pray and wish and pray some more, you can never be here with us again.

It's an interesting thing mothering a child in Heaven. I know you existed. I know I'm a mother. I feel like a mother every single day. I mean after all, I felt your kicks, your rib jabs, your hiccups. I gave birth to the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen.

But when people see me out in public, do they know I'm your mother? I don't have the messy van, a car seat and diaper bag in tow, a cart full of baby food. But I've been trying hard to make sure they do know.  Anytime someone asks about the ring I wear for Ian or the necklace that has your final resting place here on Earth, I beam with joy as I tell them about you and your brother. I try to have more patience, more understanding, more love.

I try every day to let the world know you existed. That you mattered. That you had a purpose. I know I fail most days, but I hope you can look down on us and beam with the same pride I felt holding you for the first and last time two years ago.

I love you more than I can ever put in to words, and miss you with every ounce of my being. I'm joyful in the fact that I will get to see you again one day. And with how fast these first two years went, I know that time will be here before I know it. Until then, I'll be here missing and loving you forever.

Love you always, baby girl.