And Maddie, that thought bring me such joy. Two years later and I can still see how much you've touched the lives of everyone around you. You remain close to our hearts and ever-present in our minds. I couldn't ask for anything more for your birthday.
Well that's a total lie, because I could ask for so much more. But I'm quickly reminded by my aching heart and quiet house that no matter how much I pray and wish and pray some more, you can never be here with us again.
It's an interesting thing mothering a child in Heaven. I know you existed. I know I'm a mother. I feel like a mother every single day. I mean after all, I felt your kicks, your rib jabs, your hiccups. I gave birth to the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen.
But when people see me out in public, do they know I'm your mother? I don't have the messy van, a car seat and diaper bag in tow, a cart full of baby food. But I've been trying hard to make sure they do know. Anytime someone asks about the ring I wear for Ian or the necklace that has your final resting place here on Earth, I beam with joy as I tell them about you and your brother. I try to have more patience, more understanding, more love.
I try every day to let the world know you existed. That you mattered. That you had a purpose. I know I fail most days, but I hope you can look down on us and beam with the same pride I felt holding you for the first and last time two years ago.
I love you more than I can ever put in to words, and miss you with every ounce of my being. I'm joyful in the fact that I will get to see you again one day. And with how fast these first two years went, I know that time will be here before I know it. Until then, I'll be here missing and loving you forever.
Love you always, baby girl.
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