Ian's Fifth Angel-versary

Ian, my not so baby boy anymore, today is your birthday and you are FIVE. I find that so hard to write. Five. What in the world would it be like to have a five year old running around our house? Who would be your favorite? Would you like basketball as much as your dad would have wanted you to? Would you be singing your little heart out in the front row of your preschool program?

These are questions that will remain unanswered forever. And as time goes by, I'm learning to accept this fact. No, it doesn't get any easier. Yes, my heart will always yearn for my firstborn babe. As much as I hate to admit it, time does ease the pain. But I guess I should be thankful for that, too.

Looking out my window today I saw a world of whiteness. Five years ago, even though the weather outside wasn't white, my mind and body were. I was numb, in shock, and honestly just going through the motions. But today, oh today I've smiled. I've felt like a human. I've sent my love to Ian, and told his brother and sister all about him and how much he changed my life. And I'll continue to do that until the day I die and am finally reunited with the baby I held in my arms for so short, but in my heart forever.

Happy 5th birthday sweet boy. Mommy and daddy love you!