In fact, as I'm typing this, one of you is just kicking away and the other is rolling around. It brings me back to the night I wrote my last blog post for your older sister Madison. She too was moving all around as I tried to get my thoughts down to paper ---er computer screen. I think one of the biggest things on my chest tonight is your siblings Madison and Ian.
I think about how different their birth stories were than yours will be. We knew Ian was gone when we went to the hospital to delivery him. And although Maddie was still alive when we arrived at the hospital, by the time she was delivered she was already gone as well. Our emotions on both of those trips to the hospital were of sadness, grief, longing, and anger. But tomorrow. Tomorrow we will feel excitement, joy, happiness, and all things good.
And I can't lie, part of me feels bad that I get to feel all those things with the two of you and I didn't with your siblings. My biggest fear is that once you guys are here, Madison and Ian will slowly move to the back burner. Slowly be forgotten. Slowly become an afterthought in our journey through this crazy life. So when you hear me talk to you about them for the thousandth time in a day, please know that that is why. I don't ever want to forget them, so I'm going to do my best to talk about them as much as I can. I know you guys will be ok with that.
As I sit here thinking about tomorrow, I'm overjoyed with the love I know I'll feel towards you both the moment I see you. But I'm also slightly terrified that as of 7:30 tomorrow morning, your daddy and I's lives will be changed forever. It's no longer just the two of us, but now the four of us. We can't drop everything on a dime and go out to eat with friends. We can't stay up all night enjoying a few too many adult beverages and be able to sleep in as much as we want the next morning. We can't be as frivolous with our extra cash flow (but that won't stop us from travelling, we love that too much!).
Boy oh boy though, I get excited thinking about what we will be able to do. We will get to watch you grow up. We will get to kiss your boo-boos, snuggle up with you, hear your laughter, and mediate your fights. And you get to grow up with a built in best friend. What could be better than that?
Babies, you are so loved, so wanted, and so prayed for. Tomorrow our world will change forever, and yours will start. And we will be here for every step of your journey. Mommy and Daddy love you both forever and ever.
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Whew, and now that I got that off my chest, let's move on to my 37 week update! I honestly can't believe it's finally go time, and we've been busy busy at our house with final preparations for the babies.
We finally got the car seats installed in the van. Eric wanted to wait until we were in the hospital to put them in one day, but I convinced him to do them this week. In a few days there will be precious cargo in those seats!
I did a little pampering on myself last Saturday by getting a pedicure with Ashley. It was so nice to soak my feet and let someone get my toes and feet labor ready. And the conversation was on point as well. Time with my best friends is always a good thing.
This week at work I did lots of last minute things getting ready for my departure. Hopefully they can manage without me there (I totally know they can, but it's still nice to feel like I'm needed ha!).
I made it out to my studio and laid out everything I want to use for babies' newborn pictures! I think I might be crazy for thinking I can do them myself, but I'm gonna try. Luckily Eric knows how to handle my camera so he can help me out. And I'm not putting a time constraint on them and will probably only do a pose or so a day. We'll find out how things go soon!
Wednesday I had my last ultrasound and doctor's appointment. I got to see the babes one last time on the ultrasound screen, and baby boy was even showing off his cute little face! I mean look at those cheeks and lips! They didn't do any weight measurements, but his little heartbeat was at 137 beats per minute.
And while baby girl is usually my show-off, she wasn't really having it that afternoon. She kept her hands up by her face (which totally reminds me of Madison), and her cord was hanging out by her nose the whole ultrasound as well. We got one 3D picture, and I think she looks so ticked off that we are trying to get a picture of her! Her heartbeat came in at 141 beats per minute.
Tonight (Thursday) we are taking care of all the last minute cleaning things- washing all the dishes, doing all the laundry, tidying up around the house, and finishing the last minute packing. And of course getting our house prepped for the 5 degree weather we are expecting tonight. Sometimes I love living in an old house (I hope you could sense the sarcasm in that statement).
- I gained a total of 32 pounds.
- My stomach measures 44.5 inches around.
- My belly button did pop out and I also got the dark line down the slightly to the left center of my stomach.
- I got 3 stretch marks on my left hip.
- Baby's heads were almost always right next to each other and have been on the right side of my body for as long as I can remember.
- Baby boy has always been squished down at the bottom and baby girl has had all the room she's wanted.
- Baby girl loves to cram her head up under my right rib cage making me extremely uncomfortable, especially if she does it while I'm driving.
- Babies really start to get active around 7 in the morning, and they like to move around while I'm singing in the car, especially when it's a song by a male singer.
- I never really had any cravings or anything crazy like that this pregnancy.
- My legs and feet were super swollen for a good few weeks around Christmas and the beginning of the year which got me put on 1/2 day bed rest at work.
- Thankfully the swelling was only bad for about a month or so. I still have some swelling in my thighs and calves, but my ankles are back and I couldn't be happier.
- Keeping babies' genders a secret until my baby shower was the hardest thing to do- but I am glad we did it. Next baby I don't think we will find out at all!
- I took photography sessions until the first week in January, and stopped taking newborns in November. It's been a nice break, but I am ready to get back in to them in a few months.
- Eric took the most unflattering pictures of me and my belly throughout the entire pregnancy. I do like seeing how my stomach has grown since the beginning, but man oh man some of these photos are BAD. He tells me he's going to make me a photo book of all the pictures, so we will have to see if that actually happens. And then I'm going to hide it so it can never be shown to anyone else. Ever.
- I've been terrified of losing them both since we found out we were pregnant. Pregnancy after loss is one of the most difficult things I've ever experienced. Which I'm sure will soon be replaced by parent after loss. It's hard to be confident when your body has betrayed you so many times. But thanks to an amazing husband and support team I have been able to stay mostly positive this entire journey. I know that once they are here tomorrow there will be a whole new strain of worries, but at least the ones I've been feeling since June will finally be done and over.
Babies, tomorrow all of our lives will be changed forever. And we can't freaking wait. We love you both so much, see you in a few hours!
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