Baby #2: 35 Weeks

How far along: 35 weeks

Weight gain/loss: Not sure this week. I'll find out on Thursday!

Sleep: Sleep is good and I just can't get enough of it lately.

Rings: On.

Showing: Yes sir!

Cravings: Water. I've been so, so thirsty!

Gender: Girl.
 
Best Moment this Week: This was another one of those weeks that I wasn't sure what I would write in this section. That is, until I realized all the good things that happened this week. I'm continually amazed at the people who know about our sweet Madison and are praying for us, especially when they are people that we don't even know! This week we received a letter in the mail from a couple that we don't know. They wanted to let us know that they have been humbled and inspired by this blog and our journey. They felt God calling them to reach out to us, to let us know that they are praying for us. How amazing! We were overwhelmed with their kindness and generosity towards people they have never met. It warms my heart to know that Madison is touching the hearts of so many others.

This week we also finally got to announce that we are getting a niece or nephew! Eric's sister Nichole and her husband Connor are pregnant and due in August. I think God knew I would need some serious baby cuddles around that time. I've already warned Nikki that I might be over every day to get some loving in, so hopefully they won't mind :)

Then this weekend Eric and I traveled to Evansville, Indiana to check out our friends' new house and get together with some of our college friends. We usually go on a wine trip together every year to the wineries by Carbondale, but with one due in February and myself due in March, we decided that we should probably postpone until next year. I'm so glad we were still able to all get together. As we get older it gets harder and harder to find the time to see each other, but thankfully that hasn't stopped us yet- and I hope it never does!

Looking Forward To: I'm going to try to order a Molly Bear, a weighted teddy bear, for Ian this week. Fingers crossed I can get my order in! I start weekly doctor's appointments after this week, so I get to hear Madison's heartbeat every week now! Definitely going to be soaking that heavenly sound in.

Baby #2: Baby Shower

On Saturday January 21, Kaci, Kendra, and Ashley hosted a baby shower honoring Madison. It's hard for me to find the words to tell you all just how truly amazing this day was. I couldn't think of a better way to honor Madison's short time with us. The day was filled with family and friends, both those that could make it to the shower and those that were there in spirit, lots of love, countless laughs, and many tears. I know that Madison felt all of the love just radiating around her that day, because I was overwhelmed with it all. 

Ian was there too :)

I just love this picture of all the littles with Madison and Ian! These blessings have helped ease the sting of our losses and I am so so thankful for them.

I also love this picture of Dez and Auggie with Ian. Ian should have been born right in between the two, but I know that he will always have a place in their hearts. And how do I know? During the shower, Auggie runs up out of nowhere and gives me the biggest hug on my legs, and then the biggest hug around my neck as I picked him up. And Kendra told me as they were looking at pictures from the shower, Dez points to me and says "Sharon", then looks up at Kendra and smiles real big and says "Madison". My heart melted into a million pieces both times. 

I'm not entirely sure what we were laughing at DeAnne, but it must have been a good one.

That's my grandma Wolf testing out her string on my belly. Eric's aunt Charlotte cut the exact length of string that my belly was- pretty impressive. And his cousin Andrea might have been able to wrap her string around me over two times haha!

Em even measured my belly, then proceeded to give me (and Madison) the biggest hug. I'm in love with this picture.

They played a game of Madison's "Top 5's", including favorite foods (my cravings), favorite songs, top things I'm thankful for this pregnancy, favorite moments with Madison, lessons God has taught me, and specific prayers for Madison as well as Eric and I. In case you were wanting to pray specifically for us, I'll include our prayer requests.

For Eric and I:

• For strength as we approach Madison's due date.
• For faith that even though this is not how we wanted this pregnancy to go, that God truly has a bigger plan and one day we will understand.
• To remember that this is the only time we get with Madison and to cherish it.
• That we can spend as much time as possible with Madison after she is born.
• For hope that one day we will have a pregnancy that results in a baby that we get to keep here with us.

For Madison:

• That she continue to kick, roll, and grow until she's full term.
• That she feels the love from all of our family and friends.
• That she gets into the correct position as she gets closer to being born so that I can have her naturally and avoid a c-section.
• That she be born alive.
• That she always knows how much we love her, how much we wanted her to be able to stay here, and how much we will miss her. 

I also had a few presents to open. The girls got us this gorgeous sign below that has my favorite Bible verse on it. They also got us two of the softest bunnies ever, one for us to keep and one for Madison to keep. The "moms" got me bracelets with Ian and Madison's initial on them. We got a book that included little notes and Bible verses from everyone that I've already read a few times. And then everyone chipped in to get Eric and I a little getaway to Galena, IL to stay at a bed and breakfast there. I was definitely not expecting that, and am so humbled by the generosity of our family and friends. We love you all so much!

The BEST friends anyone could have. Someone told me as they were leaving the shower that I'm truly blessed to have such wonderful friends and I better never let them get away. My thoughts exactly. And girls, I'm not letting you go anywhere. You know I need you too much to let you go <3

Baby #2: 34 Weeks

How far along: 34 weeks

Weight gain/loss: Somehow I lost a pound in the past two weeks- only up 12 pounds total this week.

Sleep: Sleeping great. Still getting up lots to use the restroom. It is getting harder to find comfortable sleeping positions.

Rings: On.

Showing: Yep, little miss is sticking out there!

Cravings: Anything that doesn't give me heartburn! It's been hitting me bad these past few weeks.

Gender: Girl!
 
Best Moment this Week: How do I even begin to talk about the best moments of this week! After a not so great week the week before, I'm happy to say that this past week was nothing short of wonderful. Monday we didn't have school, so Mom and I did a little shopping. We got a few more things for Madison's scrapbook, as well as flowers to put on her hat that match the outfit Eric and I had picked out for her. And we got some canvases to get her foot and hand prints on after she is born. It's so hard to believe that it's almost here. 

Friday night was everything I've needed. First, it included Kaci, Kendra, and Ashley, who I've determined are the best friends in the entire world. And I'm not exaggerating. They put together a Bible study focusing on 5 examples of God's faithfulness throughout the Bible. 

We discussed God's promise to Abraham and Sarah that they would have offspring as countless as the stars in the sky and sand on the Earth, despite the fact that Abraham was 100 years old and Sarah had already been through menopause. God indeed followed through on his promise and Sarah had a son named Isaac. We talked about how God provided for Ruth and Naomi, who had both suffered great heartbreak with Naomi losing her husband and sons, one of whom was married to Ruth. Ruth eventually went on to be a direct descendant of Jesus Christ.

We explored the story of Joseph (and spent quite a while discussing our fond memories of that musical!). Joseph had a dream in which he became a great leader. Despite his brothers selling him into slavery and eventually being placed in prison, God provided for Joseph by giving him the ability to interpret dreams. This led him to interpret Pharaoh's dreams of a great famine entering the land after 7 years of good crops and Pharaoh then appointed Joseph to lead over all of Egypt.

We talked about how during the Pentacost, God provided his disciples the ability to speak in tongues so that they may preach the word of God to thousands more people. And we also discussed how God provided for all of Mankind by giving his son to die for our sins so that we may be saved, not by our works but solely by God's grace. And while this Bible study was initially brought up to be for me, I know that all the girls were thankful for these wonderful reminders of God's faithfulness.

Then Saturday, Kaci, Kendra, and Ashley threw the most beautiful shower honoring miss Madison. It was so full of love, fellowship, and joy- which is exactly what Madison has brought us for the past 8 months. I have so much to say about the shower, so be looking for a blog post this week on that!

  
Looking Forward To: Another week with Madison! Next weekend we are visiting some friends at their new house, so we are looking forward to that. And we have part two of our childbirth class this week as well. 

Baby #2: 33 Weeks

How far along: 33 weeks

Weight gain/loss: 13 pounds for sure.

Sleep: I'm sleeping well, but getting up 2 or 3 times a night again to use the restroom.

Rings: On.

Showing: Yes sir!

Cravings: Drinks- water, milk, tea. The colder the better. Could explain the need to use the restroom so many times each night.

Gender: Girl!
 
Best Moment this Week: I'm not going to lie, this was an emotionally trying week for me. I cried almost every night this past week. There's been some recent pregnancy announcements that have hit me really hard for some reason. It's so hard to not question why they can get pregnant so easily and will more than likely go on to have healthy babies, when Eric and I tried so hard for Madison and she is going to die. (And if you've recently told us that you're expecting, please please know that I truly am so incredibly happy for you. Even if I can't tell you to your face, or the smile I sport when I'm talking to you about it seems forced. Please know that I pray that you go on to have that healthy baby and that you never know this pain. Because it sucks. And it makes it hard to be outwardly happy for you when I'm dying inside knowing that my babies didn't get to stay here.) That's one reason I chose the bible verse I did for this week's chalkboard. What's happened in our lives has made absolutely no sense to me, and I definitely don't understand what God is doing making us walk this path. But I have faith that one day God will show us the reason and we will understand why we had all of this heartache.

It also hit me hard this week that my time with Madison is coming to an end. On normal days, I feel Madison kick and roll so often throughout the day. But on Tuesday something was different. Madison was moving, but not as often. Maybe it was because I had a busy day at work and then a photo session that night that I wasn't paying as much attention to her movements. But at the end of the day, I really had to think about if she even moved at all. I started wondering if I'd felt her last kick, if her time here was really over. I couldn't handle the emotions I felt. Laying in bed that night, Eric made a comment about how she was kicking his back and a huge sigh of relief came over me. It made me realize how not ready I am for March to get here. It seemed so far away for so long, and all of a sudden I have weeks with her, not months. If time would stop right now I would be happy.

But luckily God always has a way to lift me up when I'm feeling down. The rest of the week Madison has been moving around like her normal self. Last night Eric and I had a mini dance marathon to our favorite Miley Cyrus songs (don't lie, you've all done it too!), and then jammed out to a few of our favorite love songs before bed. Then Kaci, Kendra, and Ashley told me that they wanted to have a little bible study for me on Friday night before my shower this weekend. It couldn't be coming at a better time!

Looking Forward To: A fresh new week! I'm having a little shower this weekend to honor Madison's short life with us. I can't wait to see what's going to happen- because they've kept me in the dark about all of it! And my best friends are holding a small bible study for me on Friday night. I seriously can't reiterate how thankful I am for those three girls. 

Baby #2 Maternity Pictures

I'm so excited to share with you all our maternity pictures! I entrusted my dear friend Kendra of Kendra Crane Photography (though I wasn't in the least bit worried) with the task of capturing this most special time in our pregnancy and lives. And I honestly couldn't be happier with how they turned out. They are PERFECT. Every last one of them, and I got a ton to choose from! She captured the love we have for Madison (and each other) beautifully. I'm sharing way too many, but I just couldn't choose my favorites!!

I just love how in this next one the sun flare made a rainbow right on my stomach. No greater sign of God's promises than that!

And we had to get some pictures including Ian too :)

So isn't that sign awesome? Eric's very talented cousin Ashley Bunten of Ashley Bunten Art + Design  made this for us. I'm absolutely in love!

And we also had to include this book in her pictures. For those of you who don't know, this is the book that we buried with Ian. It wasn't necessarily the book I was planning on sending to Heaven with him, but when I was reading it in the aisle of Walmart I couldn't even finish it without bawling. I've read it to Madison almost every night before we go to bed, and sometimes Eric helps (by reading the pages with as few words as possible on them). I'm so glad we got to capture us reading some of this book to her.  

And I'm so glad that we decided to take maternity pictures. I know these pictures will always bring a smile to my face as we remember the time we did get to spend with Madison. And to have my best friend capture these memories for us was so special. 

Baby #2: 32 Weeks

How far along: 32 weeks

Weight gain/loss: I'm officially up just about 13 pounds. 

Sleep: Still sleeping well.

Rings: On.

Showing: Yep.

Cravings: Just food. Give me all the food. I've been so hungry this week!

Gender: Ultrasound confirmed she still has girly parts.
 
Best Moment this Week: Feeling Madison kick, move and roll a ton! I've never felt her move so much. What is she doing in there? Haha! I got to see her move around at my 32 week ultrasound on Thursday. Both the ultrasound tech and the doctor commented about how active she was. Good news is that the tiny hole that they thought they saw at her follow-up ultrasound at Carle is no longer there. That was a relief to hear! Bad news is that when they were trying to get all the measurements to guess her weight, she had her head literally buried in my hip bone and would not come out-which means they could not get a measurement of her head circumference. So they took the two measurements they were able to get and plugged them in to their computer and told me she weighs about 3 pounds, 14 ounces. Which Dr. Haller told me at my appointment on Friday is in the 32nd percentile, which I think is pretty good. Her heartbeat seemed to slow down this week. It was only in the 130s at my appointment (well it was 160 when I had my ultrasound, which they said they weren't surprised about since she was moving so much). I'm guessing that during my appointment with Dr. Haller she was just chilling out in there, hence the lower heartbeat. 

Looking Forward To: Sharing my favorite maternity pictures with you this week! I seriously LOVE them all. I don't know how I'm going to pick which ones to get printed. Eric and I also go to our first childbirth class this week. So we will see how that goes!

Baby #2: 3D Ultrasound

So I'm going to preface this post by saying I'm oversharing pictures- I just can't help it! I think Madison is so beautiful and perfect I can't help but share a ton of pictures. And I'm not apologizing one bit for it :)

On Friday December 30th, Eric, myself, my mom and dad, Eric's mom and dad, my brother and Eric's sisters packed into a few cars and headed to Evansville Indiana to get a 3D ultrasound of Madison. I was so excited that everyone was able to come, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that I'm so glad that we did this and everything was totally worth it to see her move around and be stubborn as ever (more on that later). 

The place, Precious View, was set up so nicely. The ultrasound was done in a huge room with the screen being projected onto basically an entire wall. We all had the perfect view to watch Madison hide her face with her hands or smush her face into my placenta almost the entire time. C'mon girl, we just want to see your pretty face! Luckily, she moved her hands away just enough for the tech to capture some great pictures of her. It might have taken me laying on different sides and the tech tapping on my belly for that to happen, but hey, whatever works. Madison was definitely over us looking at her. When the tech was recording her heartbeat for our heartbeat bear, Madison gave a swift kick to the probe. Even the tech felt it! Towards the end of the scan, Madison even put her hand over her face like, "guys, just let me sleep!" It was pretty cute. And in addition to all the pictures we got from the scan, we also got a video of the whole thing. Such awesome memories!

Oh there's just so many things I love about her- those chubby chubby cheeks, full lips, long fingers, perfect little toes. I honestly can't believe that she is mine (and I guess Eric had a little to do with her too). It kills me to know that she doesn't get to stay here on Earth for long, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm going to enjoy every single second that she is here. Especially with those little smiles <3 <3 <3

So I know the next picture might be confusing (because we were all confused when the tech was telling us about what we were seeing), so I'll try to help explain it. You can see where the mouse is pointing and all of the white lines, that's all of her hair! Then to the right of that you can see kind of a curved white line, that's her spine/back. So the picture is like we are looking at her laying on her side from the back. But seriously, look at all of that hair! I'm so excited about that, because I figured she wouldn't have any hair due to the fact that a majority of the area where her hair would be is gone. Now to dream about if it's blonde (like my hair was as a baby) or if it's brown!

And this one is seriously my favorite picture of all the 100 we received. Everything was worth it to see that little smile. This one is going up in the house for sure!