Baby #2: 33 Weeks

How far along: 33 weeks

Weight gain/loss: 13 pounds for sure.

Sleep: I'm sleeping well, but getting up 2 or 3 times a night again to use the restroom.

Rings: On.

Showing: Yes sir!

Cravings: Drinks- water, milk, tea. The colder the better. Could explain the need to use the restroom so many times each night.

Gender: Girl!
 
Best Moment this Week: I'm not going to lie, this was an emotionally trying week for me. I cried almost every night this past week. There's been some recent pregnancy announcements that have hit me really hard for some reason. It's so hard to not question why they can get pregnant so easily and will more than likely go on to have healthy babies, when Eric and I tried so hard for Madison and she is going to die. (And if you've recently told us that you're expecting, please please know that I truly am so incredibly happy for you. Even if I can't tell you to your face, or the smile I sport when I'm talking to you about it seems forced. Please know that I pray that you go on to have that healthy baby and that you never know this pain. Because it sucks. And it makes it hard to be outwardly happy for you when I'm dying inside knowing that my babies didn't get to stay here.) That's one reason I chose the bible verse I did for this week's chalkboard. What's happened in our lives has made absolutely no sense to me, and I definitely don't understand what God is doing making us walk this path. But I have faith that one day God will show us the reason and we will understand why we had all of this heartache.

It also hit me hard this week that my time with Madison is coming to an end. On normal days, I feel Madison kick and roll so often throughout the day. But on Tuesday something was different. Madison was moving, but not as often. Maybe it was because I had a busy day at work and then a photo session that night that I wasn't paying as much attention to her movements. But at the end of the day, I really had to think about if she even moved at all. I started wondering if I'd felt her last kick, if her time here was really over. I couldn't handle the emotions I felt. Laying in bed that night, Eric made a comment about how she was kicking his back and a huge sigh of relief came over me. It made me realize how not ready I am for March to get here. It seemed so far away for so long, and all of a sudden I have weeks with her, not months. If time would stop right now I would be happy.

But luckily God always has a way to lift me up when I'm feeling down. The rest of the week Madison has been moving around like her normal self. Last night Eric and I had a mini dance marathon to our favorite Miley Cyrus songs (don't lie, you've all done it too!), and then jammed out to a few of our favorite love songs before bed. Then Kaci, Kendra, and Ashley told me that they wanted to have a little bible study for me on Friday night before my shower this weekend. It couldn't be coming at a better time!

Looking Forward To: A fresh new week! I'm having a little shower this weekend to honor Madison's short life with us. I can't wait to see what's going to happen- because they've kept me in the dark about all of it! And my best friends are holding a small bible study for me on Friday night. I seriously can't reiterate how thankful I am for those three girls.