2017: A Year in Review

2017 is coming to a close tonight, so what better time to do a little reflecting on what the year brought us?

In January, Kaci, Kendra and Ashley threw me the best "baby shower" ever for Madison. It was filled with so much love, fellowship, and a few tears. I couldn't ask for better friends!

March 8th, Eric and I, surrounded by our closest friends and family, said hello and goodbye to our daughter Madison. She was even more perfect than I could have imagined. And I miss her even more than I thought possible.

This year consisted of so much best friend time. These girls are the absolute best.

In June, we took the vacation of a lifetime- an Alaskan cruise! Alaska was one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen, and every stop on the cruise was more and more beautiful than the last. We are already talking about wanting to go back!

July 11th we welcomed our nephew, Grant Levi Walters, into the world. I would by lying if I said that his birth was easy for me, but I'm so thankful that he's here and healthy. And I love that little guy so so much. 

Our Madison and Ian bears arrived! They are weighted teddy bears to match Ian and Madison's birth weight. The comfort they bring when I'm holding them is indescribable. 

In August we went to Galena for a little weekend getaway- a present from our friends and family at Madison's shower! It was a much needed relaxing weekend before the chaos of fall and school started again. And Galena had some beautiful views!

October was a busy month! I started a blog dedicated to pregnancy and infant loss- Longing Arms. I'm hoping that I'm able to provide hope and comfort to moms and dads going through the same things as Eric and I.

October was the kick-off event for our Jasper County Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group with our Wave of Light Ceremony where we lit candles and read names for babies that we've lost to miscarriage, pregnancy loss, and infant loss. Our event was even better than I could have imagined and I'm looking forward to helping and growing with local women as we support each other on this journey.

October also contained the birth of my Godson, Bennett, on the 26th! I totally cried when Ashley asked me to be his Godmother. In November I was able to hold him as he was baptized into the church. I can't wait to see where the Lord leads you, B!

And this December marked three years since Ian has been gone. Here I am with his quilt that I donated to the hospital. It was even more special this year as we know the family that the quilt went to!

This month Madison's headstone was finally set! I'm in love with how their stones look next to each other. 

While the year isn't going to end the way I wanted it to (pregnant), I do have to say that the year went better than I thought it would go. The highs out-weighed the lows, and I was constantly reminded how blessed I truly am. Tomorrow starts a clean slate and a new year full of new hopes and dreams. And I'm hoping that our upcoming journey with Dr. Dayal will result with one of our biggest dreams of all- becoming parents to a baby here on Earth!

Ian's Third Angel-versary

Ian,

How in the world has it been three years? Not a second goes by that you aren't on my mind. I could probably say the same thing about a lot of other people's minds too, because I constantly bring you up on this blog, and from what I hear it's pretty well read. In fact, I know that you are constantly on the minds of our friends- I've been getting texts and cards for a few days now, and it warms my heart so much to know that you haven't been forgotten.

I think of you every time I see that glimmer in Auggie's eye. Oh what I would give to see the two of you play. I just know that you would have been the best of friends. And I would have pitied Ashley and I having to deal with two ornery little boys. I think of you every time I see Auggie and Dez playing together when I get together with my friends. And I imagine how you would fit in with the two of them (perfectly is what I'm guessing).

I think of you every time I hold your cousin Grant. Every kiss, every snuggle, every "I love you", has a little extra that I send to Heaven just for you. As I held Grant last night and breathed in that fresh baby smell, I couldn't help but for a second imagine it was you. That you were the one fighting sleep, but finally giving in as you laid your head on my chest. That you were the one with your fingers curled around mine, or giving me that gummy grin with the most precious face I've ever seen. I'm sure that will never stop. Because even though everyone else is always getting a little older, you will always be my baby. And a part of me will always be longing to hold you just one more time in my arms, and to feel your stomach rise and fall with each breath.

Sometimes I wonder how I've made it this long here without you. It kills me every day. I might not cry as much as I used to (and don't get me wrong, I cry all the time), but the pain of losing you will always be fresh on my mind. I hope that you are enjoying today with your sister, your aunt, and your uncle. And maybe a few of your friends. And like Emery said in her card, "I hope that Jesus is taking good care of you."

Love you always baby boy.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Except When it Isn't)

Driving home from work the other day, my mind drifted, much like it always does, to Ian and Madison. I was brought back to three years ago when I couldn't find Ian's heartbeat on our doppler. On Saturday, it will have been three years since we said hello and goodbye to our first child.

Like a big old slap in the face, the radio began to play that song. You know, the one that proclaims "it's the most wonderful time of year". Except for me. There's not too much that's wonderful about being reminded that your child is no longer here.

Because the holidays, especially Christmas, are filled with picture perfect Christmas cards, Instagram photos of children opening their presents or leaving cookies for Santa, and all around joy and cheer. But when you've lost a child, this time of the year can be down right impossible. There's the constant reminder that your child is no longer here. You don't have to look far to see the empty stockings or a few less presents under the tree. And all that joy and cheer that everyone else seems to be beaming with is the last thing on your mind.

It's no secret that Eric and I desperately want to be parents to a child (many, many children) here on Earth. In September, I was able to switch insurances to get my infertility treatments covered, and since then we've been having more monitoring of my cycles done. I started very optimistic that we would quickly be able to get pregnant again now that Dr. Haller could better see what was going on. But that optimism soon turned to despair as the trigger shot only made me ovulate one time, and the last two cycles I haven't had any mature follicles to release by day 14, so I haven't even been able to receive the trigger shot. [If all this sounds confusing, it's because it is ha! I hope you never have to know what all these things mean. But if you're curious, just ask and I'll fill you in.]

Yesterday, I had my last ultrasound and meeting with Dr. Haller. After telling me that the one follicle I had wasn't big enough to trigger, I just broke down. I wanted so badly to be pregnant already, and I was so hopeful that I would be able to achieve this feat with Dr. Haller. Lo and behold, God had other plans.

On my drive home, Psalm 46:10 drifted into my mind. "Be still, and know that I am God." How powerful are those words! It is so hard to be patient and trusting when what you want right this second isn't what God has in store for you. And I've fallen victim to this more times than I want to admit.

As I was leaving, Dr. Haller assured me that next Christmas would look a lot different from this one. January 5th, Eric and I go to St. Louis to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist (Dr. Dayal-the same one who is giving the Finley's their rainbow baby!) to figure out the next steps in our journey to grow our family. This isn't the plan I had in mind for us, but I can only hope and pray that what God has in store is better than we could have ever imagined. And that next Christmas truly will look a lot different for our Schackmann family.

Finding Your People (Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group)

Picture this. A group of late 20-something friends get together one night for a fire. The boys are all gathered outside sitting by the fire, sharing stories about hunting and catching up on what's new in their lives. The girls are all inside with their babies, I'm sure chatting about how long their baby is sleeping through the night or about how life has changed since their little one arrived. I wouldn't know, though, since I was outside with the guys.

I've grin and bared through the talks about how much baby looks like dad or how breastfeeding is going plenty of times before. But that night I just couldn't. No one questioned me or asked me why I was still outside when every other girl (except for one who came a little later) was inside. And for that I'm thankful. It still didn't matter much, as the drive home with Eric was filled with tears and the ever present feeling of feeling "left out" or that I just don't fit in. Not that it's ever intentional. I know a lot of people do try their hardest to include me/us. That doesn't change the face that the elephant in the room is that I've had two of my children die and theirs are still here. Sometimes, like that night, it's just a little too much to bear.

The worst part is that I'm not alone in that feeling. I've heard stories from my mom along the same line as mine after she lost my older brother Ryan. I had a friend tell me that her mom has felt the same way after she lost her twins. And up until now, people have had to grieve and go through all of this relatively alone.

Last week, the Jasper County Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group had our first official meeting. And it was everything I had hoped it would be and more. There's no bond like the one you have with other women (and men) who have also lost a baby. You just get each other. You understand why you can't go to a baby shower, or why you can't be excited for a pregnancy announcement. This tribe of women that I'm learning and growing with has already helped me so much in just one meeting. And I'm sure the rest of those that were there would agree. We cried together, we laughed together, we lifted each other up in ways that only someone who truly understands what you are going through can do. I feel so blessed that we get to do this once a month!

If you've been through a pregnancy or infant loss and you're looking for a group that gets you, please come check us out. Or pass this along to someone who needs it. I've included our meeting dates for a year in the picture below, as well as when and where we meet. You don't have to be from Jasper County to attend, anyone is welcome! And if you're not ready for this kind of group or are wondering if this is a good fit for you, please come to our December meeting. I promise it will be less "meeting" and more "fun" because we are making Christmas ornaments for our babies! You can RSVP here if you decide this sounds like something you'd like to do. I know that we would love to have you.

D-Day

Most people have a day that vividly sticks out in their minds as one that they will remember forever. For some, it's when they landed their dream job. Others, it's the day they said "I do". And still for others it might be the day their first baby was born. 

For me, October 5th, 2016 will forever be engraved in my head. I wish I could say that it was a happy memory. A memory that I would enjoy looking back on for years to come. But it's not. October 5th will always be the day our world came crashing down around us. The day we were told our second baby- the baby we prayed for for over a year, the baby who made it past that dreaded 16 week mark when we lost our first child Ian, the baby that was supposed to come home with us and help fill the void left by losing Ian- wouldn't live past birth, if she survived the birth at all. A year ago today, we received Madison's anencephaly diagnosis. 

I still remember happily snapchatting all my friends on the way to my appointment, with a caption that read something like, "Will baby be a he or a she?!" I was so giddy to have made it this far, past when things were supposed to go wrong. 

I still remember playing "Thy Will" by Hillary Scott and crying as I sang those words along with her. 

I know You see me
I know You hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness You have in store

I never expected those lyrics to have such a different meaning just an hour later. 

I still remember meeting Eric in the parking, both of us obviously giddy with excitement. Asking Eric, "What do you hope baby is?", and Eric saying "I don't care, as long as it's healthy." We took a deep breath and headed in the office, hand in hand.

I still remember that cold jelly going across my belly, the ultrasound tech making small talk, eventually telling us that we were having a girl. 

I still remember zoning out after that, envisioning cheer practice and dance recitals and her dancing with Eric on her wedding day. 

I still remember how Dr. Haller was faking a smile when she came in to greet us. And how her smile soon changed to tears as she told us she thought our daughter had a fatal birth defect, anencephaly. 

I still remember clinging to Eric in that exam room for dear life, asking God how this could be happening to us again. How we could be losing another baby. 

I still remember calling our parents to come over. Telling them that their second grandchild wasn't meant for Earth either. Seeing them question if this could somehow be a mistake. Watching them break down like we had just hours earlier. 

...

I think the best thing about these worst days of our lives is that God proves that he is still good, that he's always been good, and that he only wants good for us. It's easy to ask Where is God? Why did he let this happen to you? or If God is so good, why is there so much hurt in the world? 

I can guarantee that God doesn't want all of this hurt. Romans 8:28 reads "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." 

From the first sin in the Garden of Eden, our world has never been the same. God intended only good, but man sinned against Him. Thankfully, Jesus died on the cross to take away all of our sins, so that we may have eternal life in Heaven with him. 

God does work for the good of those who love him. You don't have to look far to see that. Once the initial devastating shock of Madison's diagnosis sunk in and we decided to carry her as long as God would let us, Dr. Haller only supported our decision and did everything she could to make our entire pregnancy as easy and enjoyable as it could be. We were blessed with the absolute best friends and family, who sent card after card, who prayed for us continually, and who supported us in our decisions. Even strangers sent cards, gifts, words of encouragement and love, and even more prayers. Those same friends and family threw us the best baby shower for Madison, filled with love and fellowship, and the most perfect getaway to use after Madison was born. And even on Madison's day of birth, we were surrounded by so much love that I couldn't help but smile, even though Madison had left this world before we met her. 

So while I truly despise October 5th, I can't help but be a little thankful for days like this. Because they have shown me how great God's love is, and that's something I never want to forget. 

Grant's Baptism

What a beautiful day to welcome Grant into the Kingdom of God! Nichole and Connor were proud parents, and I'd have to say the same thing for Grant's godparents, Erin and Cole. Heck, I think all of us were beaming during the entire baptism, except for Grant that is. He did pretty well until he actually got baptized, then he got pretty cranky. But that's ok. He's officially the newest member of God's kingdom and St. Thomas. We love you Grant!

Day of Hope

Not a day goes by that my heart doesn't miss Ian and Madison. I'll always be left wondering what their laugh would sound like, and longing to hear the pitter-patter of their feet running through our house. Would Ian be a momma's boy and would Madison have her daddy wrapped around her finger? (In case you were wondering, the answer to that last question would be a big ol' YES.) For some reason, they weren't meant to live on this side of Heaven. I'm trying to accept that fact, but it can be so hard sometimes.

I'm in a few different pregnancy and infant loss groups, and as I was scrolling through Facebook this morning, I noticed many people posting things about the "Day of Hope". I hadn't heard of this day before, so I decided to do a little research.

It turns out that since 2008, August 19th has been internationally known as the Day of Hope. It was created to help break the silence surrounding the death of babies and children who were taken from Earth way too soon. What an amazing day!

You know I'm not shy in sharing my story of our losses, and I encourage you on this Day of Hope to break the silence and share your story. I am a firm believer that I haven't traveled down this unimaginable road for nothing, and I hope that I can be that extra push for someone to finally tell the world about their baby. Because whether you lost your baby when you were six weeks pregnant or when they were 6 days old, that baby is still yours and was still your baby. And until we are finally all reunited again, I'll be holding on to this Day of Hope that things will get better for all of us.

Galena Getaway

Thanks to so many of you (our wonderful friends and family), we were on a little Galena getaway this weekend. And what a relaxing getaway it was!

Robert and Douglas, the innkeepers of Aldrich Guest House, made us feel right at home in their beautiful bed and breakfast. The food they made was absolutely delicious, especially the extra treat we received for having to go a day with a broken shower. (The guests before us broke off the knobs on the shower so we could only take a bath that first day. They had a replacement part shipped and installed by the time we got back that night, and it was as good as new. We even joked that we would have totally had that happen again if we could eat their sea-salted caramel chocolate torte again!)

We spent Friday touring the Blaum Bros Distilling Company, which you should totally tour if you are in that area, eating lunch and beer tasting at the Galena Brewing Company, and then winery hopping at the four local wineries.

Saturday we were in total tourist mode as we took a historic trolley tour of the city and learned so many interesting facts about the history of Galena. We visited the Belvedere Mansion and the home that the people of Galena bought for Ulysses S. Grant after the Civil War. We walked up and down the "Helluva Half Mile" admiring the historic buildings and little shops that adorn the streets. We even indulged in some ice cream and all sorts of dips, jellies, and spreads at the Galena Canning Company. We enjoyed wine and a snack back at the Aldrich House with Robert and Douglas. I loved that we were able to learn more about them, how they ended up in Galena, and about all the renovations they made to the place. If you could see their before and after pictures you would understand- there is such a thing as too much floral. Before dinner that night we went out to Horseshoe Mound to check out some of the amazing scenery that Galena has to offer. I think I only mentioned about a thousand times how badly I wanted to come out there and do family or senior pictures. If only it wasn't over five hours away!

Overall, it was the perfect way to end our summer. If we ever make it up that way again, the Aldrich Guest House will definitely be where we will stay. Thank you to everyone who donated towards this trip for us, we are forever grateful to you all!

Remembering Madison and Ian

I feel like I've been pretty quiet on here lately. But these last few weeks have been crazy busy with summer winding down, Eric going to Japan, and a busy photography schedule. A few months ago, I had ordered Molly Bears for both Madison and Ian. Madison's came in while Eric was in Japan, and it was so hard not to open it while he was gone! I might have most definitely cried when we opened the box and I felt her weight in my arms again. A week or so after Madison's bear came in, Ian's bear came in as well. It's crazy how tiny he really was. 

(Shout out to my momma for taking this picture and a few others for us!)

The weekend Eric got back from Japan (I'm planning to have him write something up for the blog so you all can hear all about it!) we set Ian and Madison's memorial stones in the children's memorial garden at St. Thomas. (Thank you Dan and Theresa for ordering those for us!) We placed them right by their aunt Julie's stone. Next up on the list is to get Madison's headstone ordered. I'm looking forward to having a permanent marker next to Ian's. 

Love Notes from God

So I've mentioned before that I often find something from our church service that speaks directly to me and gives me exactly what I'm needing in that situation. It had been a few weeks since we have been to church, and as I walked in this morning and knelt down, I prayed that God would give me some direction. I want so badly to be a mom, and I asked God to let me in on His plan for us.

As I was listening to the readings, the second reading grabbed my attention at the first line- "I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared with the glory to be revealed to us" (Romans 8:18). Seriously, could God be speaking to me any clearer? He knows the suffering and pain that Eric and I have been through. I picture us standing around a truck bed talking to God, telling Him about all that we have been through (like He doesn't already know). God looks at us with this little smirk on his face, slaps us on the shoulder, and says "Just wait." Just wait for the glory that will be revealed to us. For He knows our sufferings, and as much as they hurt now, they will be nothing when we compare the glory that God has in store for us. It's amazing what we hear when we just listen.

Speaking of just listening, I was struck again by God's word when the Gospel was read. This weeks reading was from Matthew chapter 13- The Parable of the Sower. The sermon talked more about this parable and how we are all sowers of the seed and it is our responsibility to sow God's word in our children and those around us, so that they may sow God's word in their children and so on. Not all seeds are sown in rich soil, but those that are will produce fruit "a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold". While we don't have any children here on Earth, we are still responsible for sowing God's word. God has placed in my heart the desire to better help others going through similar situations as us. I've really been thinking more and more about it lately, especially after receiving so many messages from women who have gone through multiple miscarriages or who have been struggling to conceive. Just a few days ago I spoke with Eric's cousin Ashley to design a few things for me to use. I still wasn't sure when I would find the time to dedicate to it or if I would even have anything to say that others would want to read, but after hearing the message today, I have an even greater desire to set my plan in motion. If I can just sow the glory of God's word into one person's rich soil, the reward will be more than worth it. So be on the lookout for that announcement coming soon!

Grant Levi Walters

These past two days have been emotionally loaded for me. Monday morning Eric's sister Nichole texted us that they were in the hospital getting ready to have their baby. I still remember when they told us that they were pregnant on Christmas Eve before midnight mass. I was so thankful that they told us before they surprised everyone at our family Christmas, but boy was that hard. I think I cried in the bathroom for the first 15 minutes of mass. Since that day, I've known that this day was coming (though it wasn't supposed to happen until August. Guess Grant couldn't wait to meet us all!). But I didn't realize how not ready I was for all of this until yesterday. 

I think I've felt every emotion under the sun- pure excitement and joy to meet my nephew, extreme sadness that I haven't gotten to feel this kind of joy myself, jealousy that Nikki and Connor get to experience parenting in a way that Eric and I should have been doing two years ago, fear that adding this new addition to our family would put Ian and Madison on the back-burner. Most of all, I felt this overwhelming feeling of love for this little boy that God placed in our lives. Nothing has felt better since holding Madison than Grant felt in my arms. I'm so thankful that I get to be an integral part of this little guy's life.

And I'm so thankful that I get to watch Eric be an uncle. I might have gone to meet Grant this morning by myself, and I'm so glad I did because I totally cried once I held Grant and I didn't want a whole group of people to see that. I went back with Eric once he got home from work today. The room was full and some of Nikki and Connor's friends were holding Grant. When Eric finally got the chance to meet his nephew, my heart melted into a million pieces and I don't think I'm ever going to be able to put them all back together. The way he smiled down at Grant as he was sleeping in his arms is a look that I hope I remember the rest of my life. Pure joy on his face. It honestly almost broke my heart that I haven't been able to give that to him. And I would have cried right then and there if the room wasn't full of people. I want nothing more than to give Eric a baby (or two, or three, or four) of his own. For now though, I get to catch a glimpse into what life will be like as he interacts with Grant. I have this strange feeling that these two are going to be the best of buds, and I'm so excited to see their relationship grow and develop into something wonderful.

So if you need me in the next couple of weeks, you might be able to find me at Nikki and Connor's house with a baby in my arms. Seriously though, I'm taking all the Grant cuddles I can get. Uncle Eric and Aunt Sharon love you so much Grant!

My Best Friend's Baby- Round Two, Part 1

Two weeks ago I went to visit Kaci, Jason, Orie, and their newest edition- Oswyn. I couldn't get enough of all 9 pounds of her chubby cheeks and arm rolls. And I was lucky enough to spend a few hours cuddling her while I took her newborn pictures- which will be done very soon!

I know that two weeks is a long time to wait to put up a blog post, but I think I waited so long because I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to say in it. I am overjoyed for Kaci and Jason. I know they will rock being parents to two beautiful babies. But I can't lie, this has all been so hard for me. Seeing Kaci with her two babies makes me miss my two babies even more. I should be talking all about what my two kids are doing and how their births went and what neat new thing they can do, instead I sat in silence while Ashley and Kaci swapped stories.

And things won't get any easier as Ashley and Kendra are both pregnant too, welcoming their third and second babies towards the end of this year. It is so hard seeing them live out what I yearn for the most. As a side note- I'm not writing this to make you feel sorry for me, I'm simply writing what I know a lot of people in my shoes, whether it's because of infertility or pregnancy loss, feel every day. If I can be the voice for people like me who don't have the outlet to let others know our side of the story, then I'm going to shout it from the rooftops. I know I speak for everyone when I say that I couldn't be happier for them. I wouldn't wish what I've been through on anyone. But that doesn't make things any easier.

I can't wait to watch Oswyn grow up and see how great Orie is as a big sister. And even though it's hard for me to picture Auggie as a big brother, I know that he and his new little brother will be the best of buds. Em is already rocking the big sister gig, and I'm sure that having another little brother to boss around will only make things more fun. And Dez, he's going to love having a baby brother or sister (its gender is still to be determined) to teach all of the cool things he knows. Watching them grow up won't make me miss my babies any less, in fact, it makes me miss them more. But it also makes me want to be even more in their lives, to give them even more love and praise and everything good. Because my heart has so much love to give, and my arms ache to hold a growing babe in them. So until I have one of my own here on Earth,  I'm enjoying every bit of my best friends' bundles of joy.

Alaskan Vacation

Just a fair warning, I'm about to share way too many pictures. But how do you narrow down photos from your favorite vacation ever!? So enjoy just a few of my favorites from our Royal Caribbean's Radiance of the Seas Alaskan Cruise!

We started our trip in Vancouver, these first few photos are from the Port of Vancouver.

This is Lion's Gate Bridge. Our cruise ship went under the bridge with very little clearance. We bought a deck of playing cards on the ship (because even though I told Eric playing cards were at the top of my packing list, my packing list was in my head and I totally forgot them) and there was a card about this bridge that said that it was built by the Guinness family- you know, the ones who make the beer.

From our first formal night! Before the hives I got two days before we left took over my entire body. Thank goodness it was Alaska and we wore pants and long shirts almost every day. 

Our first official stop was in Ketchikan. It was pretty rainy this day, but it really wasn't horrible. We heard a lot of people complaining about the rain, but honestly, it was more just a constant light rain, definitely not enough where we couldn't do anything. Some people must not get rain where they live ha! And it is Alaska after all.

We walked down historic Creek Street. When the salmon are running, they say that this creek is just red/pink from all the salmon in it. 

Here's the salmon ladder that will be full of salmon come July.

We went to Saxmon Village Totem Pole Park. It was filled with replicas of original totem poles from around the area. The totem poles were so cool! The detail and design that went into these things was truly amazing. 

The next day we were in Icy Straight Point/Hoonah. Now this town is tiny- two gas stations, no bank. But everyone we met was so incredibly nice. And it was so beautiful there. 

We also did our favorite thing of the whole vacation here- whale watching! If you ever go, be sure to look up Shawn and Casey from Glacier Wind Charters. We had the best time, and Casey was so knowledgeable about everything! He took us straight to where there were whales, and we followed them around for the duration of our time. We were in a small, six person boat that gave me plenty of room to move around and take all of the pictures I wanted. And Shawn's wife Teresa made a super delicious salmon dip for us to eat!

I wish I could say that this was our boat, but we didn't get so lucky! We did get pretty close to the whales, but they never decided to swim under our boat. 

Probably the coolest thing was watching the whales bubble feeding! I bet they bubble fed about 4 or 5 times while we were watching them. You could always tell when they were about ready to come up, because the birds would all swoop down to the water to collect the fish before the whales came up. (You can see that in the next picture.) The whales will blow bubbles, which traps the fish and brings them to the surface of the water, then they come out of the water with their mouths open to eat the fish. We also saw lots of fin slapping, where they lay on their side and slap their fin against the water, and one whale even breached, but I unfortunately didn't get a picture quick enough of that. 

Our cruise ship from the whale watching boat.

There was a brewery on the side of the road on our walk back to the ship, so we had to stop in!

Did I mention it was beautiful here?

This is the old cannery. It used to be a running cannery, now its basically a museum with a few shops in it. 

The next day we were in Juneau and we had the most beautiful sunshiney day! Which was good because we went on an 8 mile bike ride today, and that would have been no fun in the rain. We started our bike ride at the beautiful location below. The lake is called Auke Lake. Our guide told us that Auke means lake, so the lake is called "lake lake".

We rode bikes to this amazing view of the Mendenhall Glacier.

I can't get over the detail in these glaciers! It was truly something amazing to see. They told us that the glacier grows by 400 feet every year, but also recedes 600 feet a year, so overall it recedes 200 feet a year. We are planning to come back in 15 or 20 years, it will be interesting to see what it looks like then!

I had to catch the little white butterfly that was flying around on our way back from the glacier. 

For lunch we had King Crab Legs! One leg was about 40 bucks, but it was so yummy!

I made Eric go back to the glacier after we ate, because I wanted to hike closer to the glacier and to Nugget Falls, which is right next to Mendenhall Glacier. You can see the glacier to the left and the falls to the right in the picture below. Note how tiny the people look next to everything!

This is a picture looking from the falls back towards the visitor center area.

Next up was Skagway. I think that this was the most beautiful area that we went to. Gorgeous mountains everywhere, it was picture perfect! The town buildings were made to look like they did during the gold rush, which was pretty neat.

On this day we hiked to the Gold Rush Cemetery and Lower Reid Falls. This was the view about a half mile from the cemetery and falls.

First up was Gold Rush Cemetery. I think the most well known people buried here are "Soapy" Smith and Frank Reid. Soapy was the bad guy of the gold rush era. He got in a duel with Reid. Reid killed Soapy, but he also died 12 days later from complications from a gunshot wound from that shoot out. 

A lot of the headstones were just wooden replicas of the originals. But there were some original headstones still standing.

Just a short walk behind the cemetery were the Lower Reid Falls. It was a very pretty waterfall.

We didn't ride the White Pass train (and I'm having a little bit of regret over that- something we will have to do next time we go!), but I did catch it coming back into town. The White Pass Railroad was built towards the end of the gold rush era to help miners get from Skagway to the heart of the Yukon where the gold was found. 

The view of Skagway from our ship in the port. I told you it was beautiful!

But the most beautiful part was the ride out of Skagway. Mountains on each side of the ship for miles and miles and miles. We spent a few hours out on the deck just watching the scenery and counting the glaciers we saw.

These next two pictures are of two of the glaciers we saw as we were sailing. In the second picture, you can even see the water melting down from the glacier forming small waterfalls.

This little island perplexed us while we were on the deck watching the scenery, but Eric found it in our playing card deck! It's called Eldred Rock. It's about twenty miles south of Skagway, and the lighthouse was built shortly after the gold rush started when many ships began coming up this channel to get to Skagway. 

The last "stop" was at Hubbard Glacier. Our ship got up within a half mile of the glacier, which was so cool! And it might not look very tall, but they said that the glacier is taller than our cruise ship. And, they said that this is technically two glaciers, Valerie Glacier is on the left hand side. You can't see the divide from the front, but apparently from the top you can see the line where the two glaciers meet. 

We had to drive through all of this ice to get up close to the glacier.

The detail in this thing is unbelievable. I love how you can see the pressed layers of ice at the bottom. 

A splash from ice calving off the glacier.

Probably the coolest thing was watching, and listening, to chunks of ice calving off the glacier. It sounds like thunder when the ice is getting ready to calve. I caught a series of a pretty big chunk calving below. 

                        

                                                      ^The ice chunk is right here. You can watch it falling in the next few pictures.

A few crew members took a lifeboat and brought back a small little iceberg floating in Disenchantment Bay. 

And there it is, a small sampling of pictures from the cruise. I have over a thousand more pictures, so if you want to know more or see more pictures just let me know, I'd love to share!! We can't recommend an Alaskan cruise enough. It was our favorite vacation, and like I said earlier, we are already planning to go back-there's so much to do!