Moving Forward

It's been a month since we found out that I lost Ian. I never thought that there would be a day that I didn't cry. A day that I wasn't overwhelmed with sadness. 

Thanks to my wonderful husband, the love and support of family and friends, and an awesome God, there have been. There have been days where I can't wipe a smile off of my face. Days where laughter, joy, and thankfulness fill our household. Days where things are starting to feel "normal" again. 

Of course, there is never a day I don't think about Ian, and I pray there never will be. But now I can think about him with a smile on my face (and only a small tear in my eye). A dear friend said it best when she said that she hoped I found whatever it was I needed to not "move on", but "move forward". 

I could never move on. To me, saying "move on" sounds like what you have experienced wasn't that a big of a deal. It sounds like things like death are easy to get over and life should be back to normal before you know it. I can't just get over the fact that I lost my son. It happened, and as much as I would love to change that, I can't. 

I can, however, move forward. I can look towards the days to come and know that there are many days of happiness in our future. I can rejoice knowing that the memory of our sweet baby boy won't be forgotten. I can enjoy today knowing that tomorrow is never promised.

I'm not moving on, but I am moving forward.