Mementos

When someone we love passes away, the only thing we can cling to is what they left behind. Maybe a memory, a voice mail from them, pictures of the two of you together, a note that they had written. 

In our living room, we have a few pictures of Eric's sister Julie. I know his family have some notes from her, old pictures, home videos, trophies, school mementos, even a few articles of clothing. They are wonderful ways to remember Julie and to keep her memory alive for generations to come.  

When Ian passed away, we didn't have any of that. We never got the chance to record his first steps, hear his little laugh. He never picked up a crayon to color us a picture.

But I am forever thankful for the small things we do have.

Ultrasound photos. You can see Ian's ultrasound pictures in this old post. I was lucky enough to get to have a great friend take ultrasound pictures for me multiple times throughout my pregnancy with Ian. If it wasn't for her, I would have no ultrasound pictures of Ian. My first ultrasound for my OBGYN's office wasn't scheduled until the beginning of January.  

Recording of Ian's heartbeat. I am beyond thankful that I had thought to record Ian's heartbeat a few different times throughout my pregnancy. I have a clip from one visit that I have recorded onto a "heartbeat bear". Any time I want to hear his little heart beating one more time, I can squeeze the bear's belly and it will beat away for me. If you are pregnant, please record your child's heartbeat. It may be the last time you will get to hear it. 

This is a picture from the ultrasound when we were recording Ian's heartbeat. You can see his heart was beating at 158 beats per minute.

Hand and foot prints. We were extremely lucky that we were able to get hand and foot prints. Many people who go through a miscarriage don't have that opportunity, usually because of the way their child was delivered or the extremely small size of their baby. Eric and I opted for a natural delivery in hopes that hand and foot prints would be able to be taken. Our nurse worked hard to get some good copies of his hands and feet. 

I took a picture of his prints next to a ruler so you all can see just how tiny they were.

Real pictures. We also wanted a natural delivery so that we would get the chance to hold Ian. We have pictures of each of us holding him, as well as some close ups of his hands, feet, and face. 

Blanket and outfit from the hospital. The hospital dressed Ian in a tiny little outfit and hat after he was born. They gave us the outfit, as well as a small blanket to keep.

These mementos are things that I will cherish always.  

If I can give any sort of advice it is this:
Have your children write their names out for you. Take impressions of their little hands and feet. Save that picture they just drew instead of adding it to the recycling pile. Take pictures. Lots of them. Go visit your parents, your grandparents. Save that card you always get from your birthday that simply says, "Love Grandma and Grandpa." It's things like that that keep our loved ones close forever. 

Trust me, one day you are going to wish you had heard their voice, seen their smile, listened to their heartbeat just one more time. It's worth it.