Hi everyone. This is Eric, Sharon’s husband. I know her blog
has quite the following, so I thought I would use her platform to share a few
thoughts. For those of you who know me, you will understand this is very much out
of my element. For one, I am not much of
a writer. Secondly, expressing my emotions (especially to the public) is not
one of my strong suits. How Sharon writes for this blog every week is beyond
me. Sitting here typing this is bringing up so many emotions. Thinking back
through the highs and lows of our pregnancy and the last couple days, it amazes
me how she can put all of her thoughts on paper like she does. She is so strong
(although she would refuse to admit it). I grieve very differently than Sharon
does. I internalize everything and prefer to grieve by myself. But I feel like it is time for me to be as
brave as my wife.
So here it goes….a letter to my daughter.
Madison,
What a
journey this has been. I so vividly remember the morning your Mamma told me she
was pregnant with you. What an absolute
high that was for both of us. We had been trying so hard to get pregnant again
with such little success and then finally…. you came along. Instantly all the
love in the world was there. From that moment, you had us hooked. The weeks
went by with such joy and happiness. But I will never forget the day we found
out our time with you was going to be limited. Holy cow….. you want to talk about
a shot to the heart. The next couple of weeks were so hard but your Mom stayed
so strong through it all.
I don’t know if you know this, but
you have become quite a popular little girl over the past nine months. Your Mom’s
blog posts have been so touching. She has let so many people in and has become
such an inspiration to so many people. Madison,
there are so many people out there that love you (especially your Mom and I J). This love has helped us along this journey but
I was not prepared for the last couple of days.
Knowing
these last few days were our last days with you has been very hard. I kept
trying to figure out how I was going to stay strong for you, for your Mom and
for our families. So many emotions where going through my head. I was so
excited to meet you and at the same time so sad to know that I was going to
have to say goodbye. How was I going to stay strong for your Mom? I knew I was
in store for some of the hardest days of my life.
The
night we were scheduled to go into the hospital to see you, I barely slept at
all. I just couldn’t imagine how I was going to handle everything. Once we got
to the hospital, reality started to sink in. Luckily, exhaustion also kicked in
and once the induction process started, we slept like rocks. The day was long
but it was made so much easier with both our families there. They love you so
much. When the labor pains started for your Mom, I was glad the epidural
brought her some relief. I hated seeing her in pain. After hours of off and on
naps and visiting, it was time. Standing alongside your Mom through it all was
so hard. Seeing her push through the pain for you was so inspiring. I was
choking back tears and just wished there was a way I could take all of the pain
away. I am the one that is supposed to protect my wife. Knowing that there was
nothing I could really do was so difficult.
Then it
happened, I took my eyes off of your Mother for a second and I saw you. I saw
that God had already taken you to see all of your family in heaven. Madison, I
wanted to cry so badly, but I knew your Mom was still working hard to meet you.
All I could think about those next few moments was trying to figure out how I
was going to be able to comfort your Momma once she met you. I will never
forget the moment you were finally here. Our doctor placed you on your Mom’s
chest and I expected a flood of tears from her….. but nothing like that
happened. The biggest smile came over her face and I would be darned if there
was anything that could ever wipe it from her face.
I wish I could tell
you everything your Mom was feeling right then but I figure that is for another
blog post. I do know one thing. Your Momma has put every bit of love that her heart
has in it towards you these past nine months. I know without a doubt that she
has no regrets when it comes to her time with you. She has given you all of her
love and has been the best mother in the world.
After your Mom and I spent some alone time with you, we
wanted our families and friends to meet you too. As I looked around the room, I saw tears of
both sorrow and joy. Every person in the room fell in love with you and were
trying to stay strong for us. Ask anybody in the room that night and I bet they
all remember the same thing from the night you were born. Through all the tears
in the room there was still one unwavering smile--your Mom’s. Madison, your Mom
was the strongest person in the room that night. She will try to tell everyone
how strong I was and how much she needed everyone there, but what she doesn’t
know is how much we needed her. She kept us all together. I have never been so
proud of your Mother. She was my rock. It will probably sound corny to say, but
I fell even more in love with your Mom that night. I only wish you could have
had more time with her--my two girls together.
Madison, I wish I could tell you all of this in person but
this small letter will have to do. Your mom and I love you very much and cannot
wait to see you in heaven someday.
Love you,
Dad
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